Tuesday, October 16, 2012

“IT’S JUST ANOTHER DAY”

Meet Maine 's New Governor ---


 In case you haven't heard about this guy before, his name will stick in your mind! The new Maine Governor, Paul LePage is making New Jersey 's Chris Christie look like an enabler. He isn't afraid to say what he thinks. Judging by the comments, every time he opens his mouth, his popularity goes up.

He brought down the house at his inauguration when he shook his fist toward the media box and said, "You're on notice! I've inherited a financially troubled State to run. Observe...cover what we do...but don't whine if I don't waste time responding to your every whim just for your amusement."

 During his campaign for Governor, he was talking to commercial fishermen who are struggling because of federal fisheries rules. They complained that 0bama brought his family to Bar Harbor and Acadia National Park for a long Labor Day holiday and found time to meet with union leaders, but wouldn't talk to the fishermen. LePage replied, "I'd tell him to go to hell and get out of my State." The Lame Stream Media crucified LePage, but he jumped 6 points in the pre-election poll.

 The Martin Luther King incident was a political sandbag, which brought him National exposure. The 'lame stream' media crucified him, but word on the street is very positive. The NAACP specifically asked LePage to spend MLK Day visiting black inmates at the Maine State Prison. He told them that he would meet with ALL inmates, regardless of race, if he were to visit the prison. The NAACP balked and then put out a news release claiming falsely that he refused to participate in any MLK events. He read it in the paper for the 1st time the next morning while being driven to an event and went ballistic because none of the reporters had called him for comment before running the NAACP release.

He arrived at that event & said in front of a TV camera, "If they want to play the race card on me they can kiss my ass", and he reminded them that he has an adopted black son from Jamaica and that he attended the local MLK Breakfast every year that he was mayor of Waterville. (He started his morning there on MLK Day.)

 He then stated that there's a right way and a wrong way to meet with the Governor, and he put all special interests on notice that press releases, media leaks, and all demonstrations would prove to be the wrong way. He said any other group, which acted like the NAACP could expect to be at the bottom of the Governor's priority list!

 He then did the following, and judging from local radio talk show callers, his popularity increased even more: The State employees union complained because he waited until 3 P.M. before closing State offices and facilities and sending non-emergency personnel home during the last blizzard. The prior Governor would often close offices for the day with just a forecast before the first flakes. (Each time the State closes for snow, it costs the taxpayers about $1 million in wages for no work in return.)

 LePage was CEO of the Marden's chain of discount family bargain retail stores before election as governor. He noted that State employees getting off work early could still find lots of retail stores open to shop. So, he put the State employees on notice by announcing: "If Marden's is open, Maine is open!"

 He told State employees: "We live in Maine in the winter, for heaven's sake, and should know how to drive in it. Otherwise, apply for a State job in Florida !" Governor LePage symbolizes what America needs; Refreshing politicians who aren't self-serving and who exhibit common sense.

 THE LAW IS THE LAW!

 I really love this one.

 This is one of the better e-mails I have received in a long time! I hope this makes its way around the USA several times over!!!!! HERE IS WHAT Governor LaPage said,

 "THE LAW IS THE LAW So "if" the US government determines that it is against the law for the words "under God" to be on our money, then, so be it.

 And "if" that same government decides that the "Ten Commandments" are not to be used in or on a government installation, then, so be it.

 I say, "so be it," because I would like to be a law abiding US citizen

 I say, "so be it," because I would like to think that smarter people than I are in positions to make good decisions.

 I would like to think that those people have the American public's best interests at heart.

 BUT, he said, "YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE I'D LIKE?

Since we can't pray to God, can't Trust in God and cannot post His Commandments in Government buildings, I don't believe Government (Federal, State and Local) and its employees should participate in Easter and Christmas celebrations which honor the God that our government is eliminating from many facets of American life.

 I'd like my mail delivered on Christmas, Good Friday, Thanksgiving & Easter. After all, it's just another day.

 I'd like the" US Supreme Court to be in session on Christmas, Good Friday, Thanksgiving & Easter as well as Sundays." After all, it's just another day.

 I'd like the Senate and the House of Representatives to not have to worry about getting home for the "Christmas Break." After all it's just another day.

 I'm thinking a lot of my taxpayer dollars could be saved, if all government offices & services would work on Christmas, Good Friday & Easter. It shouldn't cost any overtime since those would be just like any other day of the week to a government that is trying to be "politically correct."

 In fact....I think our government should work on Sundays (initially set aside for worshipping God....) because, after all, our government says that it should be just another day....

" What do you all think???? If this idea gets to enough people, maybe our elected officials will stop giving in to the "minority opinions" and begin, once again, to represent the "majority" of ALL of the American people.

 SO BE IT...........Please Dear Lord, Give us the help needed to keep you in our country! 'Amen' and 'Amen' Touché!

 If this gets around the country a few times, perhaps we will see a better day!

ORIGIN OF LEFT AND RIGHT...

I have often wondered why it is that Conservatives are called the "right" and Liberals are called the "left." By chance I stumbled upon this verse in the Bible: "The heart of the wise inclines to the right, but the heart of the fool to the left." Ecclesiastes 10:2 (NIV) Thus sayeth the Lord. Amen. Can't get any simpler than that. And now for a Spelling Lesson... The last four letters in American..........I Can The last four letters in Republican.......I Can The last four letters in Democrats........Rats End of lesson… test to follow November 6, 2012. Remember, November is to be set aside as rodent removal month.

Americans Are Fighting Back

https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&NR=1&v=7_FrySY8oYM

IRS...

A man called to testify at the Internal Revenue Service (IRS), asked his accountant for advice on what to wear. "Wear your shabbiest clothing. Let him think you are a pauper," the accountant replied. Then he asked his lawyer the same question, but got the opposite advice. "Do not let them intimidate you. Wear your most elegant suit and tie." Confused, the man went to his Priest, told him of the conflicting advice, and requested some resolution of the dilemma. "Let me tell you a story," replied the Priest. "A woman, about to be married, asked her mother what to wear on her wedding night. 'Wear a heavy, long, flannel nightgown that goes right up to your neck.' But when she asked her best friend, she got conflicting advice. Wear your most sexy negligee, with a V neck right down to your navel." The man protested: "What does all this have to do with my problem with the IRS?!" "Simple", replied the Priest... "It doesn't matter what you wear, you are going to get screwed!"

Thursday, October 11, 2012

EXECUTIVE ORDERS ISSUED…

Little by little the pieces are coming together (much like Germany some years back). I do not understand why he hasn't been taken to task by Congress on Constitutional grounds. These items along with Obamacare where the feds will have access to everyone's bank statements, investments, etc. (which has nothing to do with health care but absolute control.......Obamacare even gives the feds the right to pull money out of your accounts). No wonder Miss Nancy employed Congress to pass it quickly "so we can then read it to see what's in it". We are about to loose all our freedoms, the elites will do well because they are in control (sounds a little like communism). Wake UP ! After reading this, you may not sleep so well tonight. BEN WHISENANT EXECUTIVE ORDERS ISSUED… Teddy Roosevelt 3 Others to FDR NONE FDR 11 in 16 years Truman 5 in 7 years Ike 2 in 8 years Kennedy 4 in 3 years LBJ 4 in 5 years Nixon 1 in 6 years Ford 3 in 2 years Carter 3 in 4 years Reagan 5 in 8 years Bush 3 in 4 years Clinton 15 in 8 years George W. Bush 62 in 8 years Obama 923 in 3 1/2 years! If you don't get the implications you're not paying attention. How many warnings do you need? Description: cid:X.MA1.1347741814@aol.comScary ! 923 Executive Orders in 40 Months During my lifetime, All Presidents have issued Executive Orders, for reasons that vary, some more than others. When a President issued as many as 30 Ex. Orders during a term in Office, people thought there was something Amiss. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT 923 EX. ORDERS IN ONE PART OF ONE TERM ?????? YES, THERE IS A REASON. IT IS THAT THE PRESIDENT IS DETERMINED TO TAKE CONTROL AWAY FROM THE HOUSE AND THE SENATE. Even some Democrats in the House have turned on him, plus a very small number of Democrat Senators question him. HE SHOULD BE QUESTIONED. WHAT IS HE REALLY TRYING TO ACCOMPLISH ???? DOES THIS SCARE YOU AS MUCH AS IT DOES ME? ________________________________ Not really surprising that he appointed "Czars" to be in charge of everything. Emperor Obama ? Coming soon to a neighborhood near you. ....THIS IS NOT FUNNY, AND IF YOU VOTE FOR HIM AGAIN, YOU CAN EXPECT MORE! Remember what he told Russia 's Putin: "I'll be more flexible after I'm re-elected". THE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION: Obama has signed 923 Executive Orders in 40 months! What did Congress do in those 40 months? (The House - considerable. The Senate -nothing, not even a budget nor allowing any House bill to be considered.) A whole new order must prevail in Wash. DC as a result of this next election! Now look at these: -EXECUTIVE ORDER 10990 allows the government to take over all modes of transportation and control of highways and seaports. -EXECUTIVE ORDER 10995 allows the government to seize and control the communication media. -EXECUTIVE ORDER 10997 allows the government to take over all electrical power, gas, petroleum, fuels and minerals. -EXECUTIVE ORDER 10998 allows the government to take over all food resources and farms. -EXECUTIVE ORDER 11000 allows the government to mobilize civilians into work brigades under government supervision. -EXECUTIVE ORDER 11001 allows the government to take over all health, education and welfare functions. -EXECUTIVE ORDER 11002 designates the registration of all persons. Postmaster General to operate a national registration -EXECUTIVE ORDER 11003 allows the government to take over all airports and aircraft, including commercial aircraft. -EXECUTIVE ORDER 11004 allows the Housing and Finance Authority to relocate communities, build new housing with public funds, designate areas to be abandoned, and establish new locations for populations. -EXECUTIVE ORDER 11005 allows the government to take over railroads, inland waterways and public storage facilities. -EXECUTIVE ORDER 11049 assigns emergency preparedness function to federal departments and agencies, consolidating 21 operative Executive Orders issued over a fifteen year period. -EXECUTIVE ORDER 11051 specifies the responsibility of the Office of Emergency Planning and gives authorization to put all Executive Orders into effect in times of increased international tensions and economic or financial crisis. -EXECUTIVE ORDER 11310 grants authority to the Department of Justice to enforce the plans set out in Executive Orders, to institute industrial support, to establish judicial and legislative liaison, to control all aliens, to operate penal and correctional institutions, and to advise and assist the President. -EXECUTIVE ORDER 11921 allows the Federal Emergency Preparedness Agency to develop plans to establish control over the mechanisms of production and distribution, of energy sources, wages, salaries, credit and the flow of money in U.S. financial institution in any undefined national emergency. It also provides that when a state of emergency is declared by the President, Congress cannot review the action for six months. Feel free to verify the "executive orders" at will... and these are just the major ones I'm sure you've all heard the tale of the "Frog in the Pot"... you all comfortable??? Watch Obama's actions, not his words! By his actions he will show you where America is headed. Sounds to me like he is superceeding the Constitution of the USA… But, yet I did not find any provision in the US Constitution for such Executive Orders. . Just this week, Obama has issued a new executive order that seeks to "harmonize" U.S. economic regulations with the rest of the world. This new executive order is yet another incremental step that is pushing us closer to a North American Union and a one world economic system. Unfortunately, most Americans have absolutely no idea what is happening. The American people need to understand that Barack Obama is constantly looking for ways to integrate the United States more deeply with the rest of the world. The globalization of the world economy has accelerated under Obama, and this latest executive order represents a fundamental change in U.S. economic policy. Now federal regulators will be required to "harmonize" their work with the international community. THIS IS DIFFICULT TO BELIEVE?? THEN I INVITE YOU PROVE TO YOURSELF IT'S WRONG. Lots of luck!

STILL THINK THIS IS FUNNY?

This is too true to be funny. The next time you hear a politician use the Word 'billion' in a casual manner, think about whether you want the 'politicians' spending YOUR tax money. A billion is a difficult number to comprehend, But one advertising agency did a good job of Putting that figure into some perspective in One of its releases. A. A billion seconds ago it was 1959. B. A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive. C. A billion hours ago our ancestors were living in the Stone Age. D. A billion days ago no-one walked on the earth on two feet. E. A billion dollars ago was only 8 hours and 20 minutes, at the rate our government is spending it. While this thought is still fresh in our brain... let's take a look at New Orleans ... It's amazing what you can learn with some simple division. Louisiana Senator, Mary Landrieu (D) was asking Congress for 250 BILLION DOLLARS To rebuild New Orleans . Interesting number... What does it mean? A. Well .. If you are one of the 484,674 residents of New Orleans (every man, woman and child) You each get$516,528 B. Or... If you have one of the 188,251 homes in New Orleans , your home gets$1,329,787. C. Or... If you are a family of four... Your family gets$2,066,012. Washington , D.C HELLO! Are all your calculators broken?? Building Permit Tax CDL License Tax Cigarette Tax Corporate Income Tax Dog License Tax Federal Income Tax (Fed) Federal Unemployment Tax (FU TA) Fishing License Tax Food License Tax Fuel Permit Tax Gasoline Tax Hunting License Tax Inheritance Tax Inventory Tax IRS Interest Charges (tax on top of tax) IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax) Liquor Tax Luxury Tax Marriage License Tax Medicare Tax Property Tax Real Estate Tax Service charge Taxes Social Security Tax Road Usage Tax (Truckers) Sales Taxes Recreational Vehicle Tax School Tax State Income Tax State Unemployment Tax (SUTA) Telephone Federal Excise Tax Telephone Federal Universal Service Fee Tax Telephone Federal, State and Local Surcharge Tax Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax Telephone Recurring and Non-recurring Charges Tax Telephone State and Local Tax Telephone Usage ChargeTax Utility Tax Vehicle License Registration Tax Vehicle Sales Tax Watercraft Registration Tax Well Permit Tax Workers Compensation Tax (And to think, we left British Rule to avoid so many taxes) STILL THINK THIS IS FUNNY? Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago... And our nation was the most prosperous in the world. We had absolutely no national debt... We had the largest middle class in the world... And Mom stayed home to raise the kids. What happened? Can you spell 'politicians'! And I still have to Press '1' For English. I hope this goes around the USA At least 100 times What the xxxx has happened to our country?????

$100.00

A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened . Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100.00. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God , USA they decided to send it to President Obama. Obama was so amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $ 5.00 bill. He thought this would appear to be a lot of moneyto a little boy. The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 bill and sat down to write a thank-you note to God, which read: Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you sent it through Washington, D.C. and those assholes took $95.00 in taxes.

Friday, October 5, 2012

BUCHANAN TO OBAMA

Finally...It is Said Publicly. I have never seen the white side explained better! Pat Buchanan had the guts to say it. It is about time. BUCHANAN TO OBAMA By Patrick J. Buchanan Barack says we need to have a conversation about race in America… Fair enough. But this time, it has to be a two-way conversation… White America needs to be heard from, not just lectured to.... This time, the Silent Majority needs to have its convictions, grievances and demands heard. And among them are these: First, America has been the best country on earth for black folks. It was here that 600,000 black people, brought from Africa in slave ships, grew into a community of 40 million, were introduced to Christian salvation, and reached the greatest levels of freedom and prosperity blacks have ever known.. Jeremiah Wright ought to go down on his knees and thank God he is an American. Second, no people anywhere has done more to lift up blacks than white Americans. Untold trillions have been spent since the '60s on welfare, food stamps, rent supplements, Section 8 housing, Pell grants, student loans, legal services, Medicaid, Earned Income Tax Credits and poverty programs designed to bring the African-American community into the mainstream. Governments, businesses and colleges have engaged in discrimination against white folks -- with affirmative action, contract set-asides and quotas -- to advance black applicants over white applicants. Churches, foundations, civic groups, schools and individuals all over America have donated their time and money to support soup kitchens, adult education, day care, retirement and nursing homes for blacks. We hear the grievances. Where is the gratitude?? Barack talks about new 'ladders of opportunity' for blacks. Let him go to Altoona? And Johnstown, and ask the white kids in Catholic schools how many were visited lately by Ivy League recruiters handing out scholarships for 'deserving' white kids...? Is white America really responsible for the fact that the crime and incarceration rates for African-Americans are seven times those of white America? Is it really white America's fault that illegitimacy in the African-American community has hit 70 percent and the black dropout rate from high schools in some cities has reached 50 percent? Is that the fault of white America or, first and foremost, a failure of the black community itself? As for racism, its ugliest manifestation is in interracial crime, and especially interracial crimes of violence. Is Barack Obama aware that while white criminals choose black victims 3 percent of the time, black criminals choose white victims 45 percent of the time? Is Barack aware that black-on-white rapes are 100 times more common than the reverse, that black-on-white robberies were 139 times as common in the first three years of this decade as the reverse? We have all heard ad nauseam from the Rev. Al about Tawana Brawley, the Duke rape case and Jena. And all turned out to be hoaxes. But about the epidemic of black assaults on whites that are real, we hear nothing. Sorry, Barack, some of us have heard it all before, about 40 years and 40 trillion tax dollars ago. This needs to be passed around because, this is a message everyone needs to hear!!! OK...........will you pass it on? YES. I did but will you? Because I'm for a better America I am Not racist, Not violent, Just not silent anymore.

Thursday, July 12, 2012

WELCOME...

My Grandfather watched as his friends died in WW I... My Father watched as his friends died in WW II and Korea ... I watched as my friends died in Vietnam ... None of them died for the Mexican Flag... Everyone died for the U.S. flag... In Texas , a student raised a Mexican flag on a school flag pole; another student took it down. Guess who was expelled... the kid who took it down. Kids in high school in California were sent home this year on Cinco de Mayo because they wore T-shirts with the American flag printed on them. Enough is enough. The below e-mail message needs to be viewed by every American; and every American needs to stand up for America . We've bent over to appease the America-haters long enough... I'm taking a stand... I'm standing up because the hundreds of thousands who died fighting in wars for this country, and for the U.S. flag can't stand up... And shame on anyone who tries to make this a racist message... Let me make this perfectly clear! THIS IS MY COUNTRY! And, because I make This statement DOES NOT Mean I'm against immigration!!! YOU ARE WELCOME HERE, IN MY COUNTRY! Welcome! To come through legally: 1. Get a sponsor! 2. Get a place to lay your head! 3. Get a job! 4. Live By OUR Rules! 5. Pay YOUR Taxes! And 6.Learn the LANGUAGE like immigrants have in the past!!! AND 7.Please don't demand that we hand over our lifetime savings of Social Security Funds to you. If you don't want to forward this for fear of offending someone, Then YOU'RE PART OF THE PROBLEM! When will AMERICANS STOP giving away THEIR RIGHTS??? We've gone so far the other way... bent over backwards not to offend anyone... But it seems no one cares about the AMERICAN CITIZEN that's being offended! WAKE UP America !!! If You agree... Pass this on... If You don't agree... Then Just Delete It - But Shame On You!!!!

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

THIS SAYS IT ALL...

This sign is great, says it all in my opinion...

CIVICS 101...

A black kid asks his dad, "Dad, what's Democracy?" (Wait! The kid doesn't know who his Dad is. Let's start over...) A black kid asks his mom, "Mama, what's a Democracy?" "Well, son, that's when whites work every day so we can get all our benefits!" "But mama, don't the white people get pissed off about that?" "Sure they do, but that's called racism!"

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

WISDON OF AN OLDER MAN...

An older man approached an attractive younger woman at a shopping mall. 'Excuse me; I can't seem to find my wife. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?' The woman, feeling a bit of compassion for the old fellow, said, 'Of course, sir. Do you know where your wife might be?' 'I have no idea, but every time I talk to a woman with tits like yours, she appears out of nowhere.'

BEN STEIN'S NEW ARTICLE...

A free people ought not only to be armed and disciplined, but they should have sufficient arms and ammunition to maintain a status of independence from any who might attempt to abuse them, which would include their own government." -- George Washington In case you missed this: WE'VE FIGURED HIM OUT! By Ben Stein Why was President Barack Obama in such a hurry to get his socialized medicine bill passed? Because he and his cunning circle realize some basic truths: The American people in their unimaginable kindness and trust voted for a pig in a poke in 2008. (Pig in a poke means: an offering or deal that is foolishly accepted without being examined first. A poke means sack.) They wanted so much to believe Barack Obama was somehow better and different from other ultra-leftists that they simply took him on faith. They ignored his anti-white writings in his books. They ignored his quiet acceptance of hysterical anti-American diatribes by his minister, Jeremiah Wright. They ignored his refusal to explain years at a time of his life as a student. They ignored his ultra-left record as a "community organizer," Illinois state legislator, and Senator. The American people ignored his total zero of an academic record as a student and teacher, his complete lack of scholarship when he was being touted as a scholar. Now, the American people are starting to wake up to the truth. Barack Obama is a super likeable super leftist, and not a fan of this country. The American people have already awakened to the truth that the stimulus bill -- a great idea in theory -- was really an immense bribe to Democrat interest groups, and in no way helped all Americans. The American people already know that Mr. Obama's plan to lower health costs while expanding coverage and bureaucracy is a myth, a promise of something that never was and never can be -- "a bureaucracy lowering costs in a free society." Either the costs go up or the free society goes away... an historical truth. These are perilous times. Mrs. Hillary Clinton, our Secretary of State, has given Iran the go-ahead to have nuclear weapons, an unqualified betrayal of the nation. Now, we face a devastating loss of freedom at home in health care.It will be joined by controls on our lives to "protect us" from global warming, itself largely a fraud, if believed to be caused by man.She has also signed on to a Small Firearms Treaty at the U.N. This is a back door gun control move. This is approved by the Senate and a 2nd Amendment majority doesn't exist in the Senate now. It will supersede all U.S. Law and the 2nd Amendment. All citizen possession will be eliminated through confiscation. Just Like Great Britain and Australia . Mr. Obama knows Americans are getting wise and will stop him if he delays at all in taking away our freedoms.There is his urgency and our opportunity. Once freedom is lost, America is lost. Wake up, beloved America . Ben Stein is a writer, economist, and lawyer living in Beverly Hills and Malibu . He writes "Ben Stein's Diary" for every issue of The American Spectator. You must, as an American, FORWARD this, or you will wake up one morning and your freedoms will be GONE...No longer there!

THIS WILL BREAK YOUR HEART...

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning." Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble. "Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. (Nice and slow and even).... Nothing too strenuous….simply in on the ding and out on the dong." She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along."

CONDOM HISTORY...

An interesting piece of history... In 1272, the Arabs invented the condom, using a goat's lower intestine. In 1873, the British somewhat refined the idea, by taking the intestine out of the goat first. I hope you appreciate this history update.

Saturday, May 12, 2012

Paradoxical Quote of The Day From Ben Stein:

"Fathom the Hypocrisy of a Government
that requires every citizen to prove
they are insured... but not everyone
must prove they are a citizen."

Today's Quote

Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Give a man a welfare check, a free cell phone with free monthly minutes, food stamps, section 8 housing, a forty ounce malt liquor, a crack pipe and some Air Jordan's and he'll vote Democrat for the rest of his life.

Friday, April 20, 2012

WILL I LIVE TO BE 80...

Will I Live to see 80? Here's something to think about.

I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, he said I was doing'fairly well' for my age. (I just turned Sixty -Two). A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you think I'll live to be 80?'

He asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer, wine or hard liquor?'

'Oh no,' I replied. 'I'm not doing drugs, either!'

Then he asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?'

'I said, 'Not much.... my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!'

'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, boating, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?

'No, I don't,' I said.
He asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lots of sex?'

'No,' I said... He looked at me and said,..

'Then, why do you even give a shit?'

SENIORS....

To help save the economy, the Government will announce next month that the Immigration Department will start deporting seniors (instead of illegals) in order to lower Social Security and Medicare costs.

Older people are easier to catch and will not remember how to get back home.

I started to cry when I thought of you.

Then it dawned on me ... oh, crap ... I'll see you on the bus!

USMC...BEST JOKE OF THE YEAR...

A Marine squad was marching north of Fallujah when they came upon an
Iraqi terrorist who was badly injured and unconscious. On the opposite
side of the road was an American Marine in a similar but less serious
state. The Marine was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to
both men, the squad leader asked the injured Marine what had happened.
The Marine reported, I was heavily armed and moving north along the
highway here, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent. We saw
each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road. I yelled
to him that Saddam Hussein was a miserable, lowlife scum bag who got
what he deserved. and he yelled back that Barack Obama is a lying,
good-for-nothing, left wing Commie who isn't even an American. So I said
that Osama Bin Laden dresses and acts like a frigid, mean-spirited
lesbian! He retaliated by yelling, Oh yeah? Well, so does Nancy Pelosi!.
And, there we were, in the middle of the road, shaking hands, when a
truck hit us.

DALLAS...

Recently, the City of Dallas , Texas , passed an ordinance stating that if a driver is pulled over by law enforcement and is not able to provide proof of insurance, the car is towed.

To retrieve the car after being impounded, they must show proof of insurance to have the car released. This has made it easy for the City of Dallas to remove uninsured cars.

Shortly after the "No Insurance" ordinance was passed, the Dallas impound lots began to fill up and were full after only nine days. 80 + % of the impounded cars were driven by illegals.

Not only must they provide proof of insurance to have their car released, they have to pay for the cost of the tow, a $350 fine, and $20 for every day their car is kept in the lot.

Accident rates have gone down 47%and... Dallas' solution gets uninsured drivers off the road WITHOUT making them show proof of nationality.

Wonder how the ACLU or the Justice Department will get around this one.

GO Dallas!

2 COFFEES IN HEAVEN...

Having arrived at the Gates of Heaven,
Barrack Obama meets a man with a beard.

'Are you Mohamed?' he asks.
'No my son, I am St. Peter; Mohamed is higher up.'
Peter then points to a ladder that rises into the clouds.

Delighted that Mohamed should be higher than St. Peter,
Obama climbs the ladder in great strides,
climbs up through the clouds and comes into a room
where he meets another bearded man.

He asks again, 'Are you Mohamed?'
'Why no,' he answers, 'I am Moses;
Mohamed is higher still.'

Exhausted, but with a heart full of joy
he climbs the ladder yet again.

He discovers a larger room where he meets an
angelic looking man with a beard.
Full of hope, he asks again,
'Are you Mohamed?'

'No, I am Jesus, the Christ;
you will find Mohamed higher up.'

Mohamed higher than Jesus!
Man, oh man! Obama can hardly contain his
delighted climbs and climbs ever higher.

Once again, he reaches an even larger room
where he meets this truly magnificent looking man
with a silver white beard and once again repeats his question:

'Are you Mohamed?' he gasps as he is by now,
totally out of breath from all his climbing.
'No, my son, I am Almighty God, the Alpha and the Omega,
but you look exhausted.
Would you like a cup of coffee?'

Obama says, 'Yes please!'
As God looks behind him, he claps his hands
and yells out: 'Hey, Mohamed, two coffees!'

Keep your trust in God;
Your president is an idiot.

MAJOR INSENSITIVITY...

I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair but, by turning to
religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing.
I converted to Islam, and we're stoning her in the morning!
-----------------------------------------------------------
The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers, so I did....
she's 21 and her name's Lucy.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Went to the bar with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting
"pedophile!" and other names at me, just because my girlfriend is 21
and I'm 50. It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.
-----------------------------------------------------------

My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give
him a hand-job. I said "Son, that's 3 schools this year! You'd better stop
before you're banned from teaching altogether."
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Question - Are there too many immigrants in Britain ?
17% said yes;
11% said No;
72% said "I am not understanding the question please.".
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The cost of living has now gotten so bad that my wife is having sex with
me because she can't afford batteries!
-------------------------------------------------------------
A teacher goes around her class asking each of the kids,, "What do they need at home?"
The 1st kid says "A computer". The teacher replies "That'd be very useful."
The 2nd kid says "a new lawn mower" and gets a similar response.
Little Johnny pops up and says, "At my house, we don't need nothin."

The teacher asks him to think again carefully as everybody needs something.
Little Johnny replies, "No, I'm sure." "When my sister started going out with a Muslim,
I remember my dad saying, 'Well, that's the last damned thing we need.'
------------------------------------------------------
A man calls 911 and says "I think my wife is dead".
The operator says, "How do you know?" He says "The sex is about the same, but the
ironing is piling up!"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
My girlfriend says she thinks that I might be a stalker.
Well... she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A wife says to her husband, "You're always pushing me around
and talking behind my back." And he says "What do you expect?
You're in a wheelchair!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My wife has been missing for a week now.
The police said to prepare for the worst.
So, I went down to Goodwill to get all of her clothes back.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
I've heard that Apple has scrapped their plans for the new
children's-oriented iPod after realizing that "iTouch Kids"
is not a good product name.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There's a new Muslim clothing shop that opened in our shopping
center, but they threw me out after I asked if I could look at some
of the bomber jackets.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Red Cross just knocked on my door and asked if we could contribute
towards the floods in Pakistan. I said we'd love to, but our garden hose only
reaches to the driveway.

WHEN TAX PAYING AMERICANS VOTE NEXT NOVEMBER...

WHEN TAX PAYING AMERICANS VOTE NEXT NOVEMBER, JUST WHAT PART OF THE FOLLOWING DO THEY NOT UNDERSTAND?

From A Florida ER Doctor- Very Disturbing / A MUST READ!!!

----- Having spent three weeks in a hospital in Naples, Florida with my wife I couldn't help noticing what was going on in the hospital and I had a lot of time to talk to the doctors and nurses about what I had observed. Below is a commentary from an ER Doctor. Do you think this might be a big reason our health care system and our social security system are so screwed up? Do you think this might be a big reason our taxes keep going up? Who do you think these people are going to vote for?

From a Florida ER doctor:

"I live and work in a state overrun with illegals.. They make more money having kids than we earn working full-time. Today I had a 25-year old with 8 kids - that's right 8; all illegal anchor babies and she had the nicest nails, cell phone, hand bag, clothing, etc. She makes about $1,500 monthly for each; you do the math. I used to say, We are the dumbest nation on earth. Now I must say and sadly admit: WE are the dumbest people on earth (that includes ME) for we elected the idiot ideologues who have passed the bills that allow this. Sorry, but we need a revolution. Vote them all out in 2012. "

--- REMEMBER ---

IN NOVEMBER 2012, WE HAVE A GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY TO CLEAN OUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE AND ONE-THIRD OF THE SENATE!

This is an insult and a kick in the butt to all of us...

Get mad and pass it on - I don't know how, but maybe some good will come of this travesty..

If the immigrant is over 65, they can apply for SSI and Medicaid and get more than a woman on Social Security, who worked from 1944 until 2004.

She is only getting $791 per month because she was born in 1924 and there's a 'catch 22.'

It is interesting that the federal government provides a single refugee with a monthly allowance of $1,890. Each can also obtain an additional $580 in social assistance, for a total of $2,470 a month.

This compares to a single pensioner, who after contributing to the growth and development of America for 40 to 50 years, can only receive a monthly maximum of $1,012 in old age pension and Guaranteed Income Supplement.

Maybe our pensioners should apply as refugees!

Consider sending this to all your American friends, so we can all be ticked off and maybe get the refugees cut back to $1,012 and the pensioners up to $2,470. Then we can enjoy some of the money we were forced to submit to the Government over the last 40 or 50 or 60 years. And not to receive a increase for 2010 or 2011. Vote them all out of office...

Please forward this to every American to expose what our elected politicians have been doing for the past 11 years to over-taxed Americans.

SEND THIS TO EVERY AMERICAN TAXPAYER YOU KNOW.

ICE CREAM...

In honor of the 44th President of the United States , Baskin-Robbins has introduced a new flavor: " Barocky Road ."

Photobucket

Barocky Road is a blend of half vanilla, half chocolate, and surrounded by nuts and flakes. The vanilla portion of the mix is not openly advertised and usually denied as an ingredient. The nuts and flakes are all very bitter and hard to swallow.

The cost is $92.84 per scoop...so out of a hundred dollar bill you are at least promised some CHANGE..!

When purchased it will be presented to you in a large beautiful cone, but after you pay for it, the ice cream is taken away and given to the person in line behind you at no charge.
You are left with an almost empty wallet, staring at an empty cone and wondering what just happened. Then you realize this is what "redistribution of wealth" is all about.

Aren't you just stimulated?

THE TRUE BUDGET PICTURE...

This is genius!

Lesson # 1:

* U.S. Tax revenue: $ 2,170,000,000,000
* Fed budget: $ 3,820,000,000,000
* Amount borrowed: $ 1,650,000,000,000
* National debt: $14,271,000,000,000
* Recent budget cuts: $ 38,500,000,000

Let's now remove 8 zeros and pretend it's a household budget:

* Annual family income: $ 21,700
* Money the family spent: $ 38,200
* New debt on the credit card: $ 16,500
* Outstanding balance on the credit card: $142,710
* Total budget cuts: $ 385

Got It ?????

GRAND CHILDREN...

Sometimes we forget the really important things in life.

Last week, I took my grand-children to a restaurant.

My six-year-old grand-son asked if he could say grace.

As we bowed our heads he said, "God is good, God is great. Thank you for the

Food, and I would even thank you more if Nana gets us ice cream for dessert.
And

Liberty and justice for all! Amen!"

Along with the laughter from the other customers nearby, I heard a woman
remark,

"That's what's wrong with this country. Kids today don't even know how to
pray.

Asking God for ice cream! Why, I never!"

Hearing this, my grand-son burst into tears and asked me, "Did I do it
wrong? Is

God mad at me?"

As I held him and assured him that he had done a terrific job, and God was

Certainly not mad at him, an elderly gentleman approached the table.

He winked at my grand-son and said, "I happen to know that God thought that
was

A great prayer."

"Really?" my grand-son asked.

"Cross my heart," the man replied.

Then, in a theatrical whisper, he added (indicating the woman whose remark
had

Started this whole thing), "Too bad she never asks God for ice cream. A
little

Ice cream is good for the soul sometimes."

Naturally, I bought my grand-children ice cream at the end of the meal. My

Grand-son stared at his for a moment, and then did something I will remember
the

Rest of my life.

He picked up his sundae and, without a word, walked over and placed it in
front

Of the woman. With a big smile he told her, "Here, this is for you. Shove it
up

Your ass you grouchy old bitch! " The End

BRAIN SURGERY...

In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room,
where a family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor
came in looking tired and somber.
'I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news,' he said as he
surveyed the worried faces. 'The only hope left for your
loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It's an
experimental procedure, very risky, but it is the only hope.
Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay
for the BRAIN.'

The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news.
After a time,someone asked, 'How much will a brain cost?'
The doctor quickly responded, '$5,000 for a Democrat's
brain; $200 for a Republican's brain.'
The moment turned awkward. Some of the Democrats actually
had to 'try' to not smile, avoiding eye contact with the
Republicans. A man unable to control his curiosity, finally
blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, 'Why is the
Democrats brain so much more than a Republicans brain?'
The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to
the entire group, 'It's just standard pricing procedure. We
price the Republicans' brains a lot lower because they're used."

SEND THIS TO A SMART Republican WHO NEEDS A LAUGH, AND TO ANY

Democrat WHOM YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT!

THE HUSBAND STORE...

A store that sells new husbands has opened in Manchester , just off Deansgate where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids

'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'

So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking

'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework

'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!' Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

PLEASE NOTE:
To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street with the same rules.

The first floor has wives that love sex.

The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer.

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

A NUN GRADING PAPERS...

Today being the Sabbath, I thought you might enjoy these:

(CAN YOU IMAGINE THE NUN SITTING AT HER DESK GRADING THESE PAPERS, ALL THE WHILE TRYING TO KEEP A STRAIGHT FACE AND MAINTAIN HER COMPOSURE!)

PAY SPECIAL ATTENTION TO THE WORDING AND SPELLING. IF YOU KNOW THE BIBLE EVEN A LITTLE, YOU'LL FIND THIS HILARIOUS! IT COMES FROM A CATHOLIC ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEST.KIDS WERE ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE OLD AND NEW TESTAMENTS. THE FOLLOWING 25 STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE REWRITTEN BY CHILDREN.
THEY HAVE NOT BEEN RETOUCHED OR CORRECTED. INCORRECT SPELLINGS HAVE BEEN LEFT IN...
1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT TIRED OF CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.
2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH'S WIFE WAS JOAN OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS.
3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE DURING THE NIGHT.
4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.
5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL LIKE DELILAH.
6. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES.
7. MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD,WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS.
8. THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT. AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS
9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE.
10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY.
11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA THEN JOSHUA LED THE HEBREWS IN THE BATTLE OF GERITOL.
12. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.
13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR. HE FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES.
14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES.
15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE MAGNA CARTA.
16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY FOUND JESUS IN THE MANAGER.
17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION.
18. ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.
19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT ALONE.
20. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.
21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12 DECIBELS.
22. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.

23. ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A TAXIMAN.
24. ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY, WHICH IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.
25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY.

NATIONAL MENTAL HEALTH DAY...

answers at the bottom (don't cheat)

Quiz for Bright People

There are only nine questions.



This is a quiz for people who know everything!



I found out in a hurry that I didn't.

These are not trick questions.

They are straight questions with straight nswers..



1. Name the one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends.



2. What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward?



3 Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons. All other vegetables must be replanted every year. What are the only two perennial
vegetables?



4. What fruit has its seeds on the outside?



5. In many liquor stores, you can buy pear brandy, with a real pear inside the bottle. The pear is whole and ripe, and the bottle is genuine; it hasn't been cut in any way. How did the pear get inside the bottle?



6. Only three words in standard English begin with the letters ' dw' and they are all common words. Name two of
them.



7. There are 14 punctuation marks in English grammar. Can you name at least half of them?



8. Name the only vegetable or fruit that is never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form except fresh.



9. Name 6 or more things that you can wear on your feet beginning with the letter 'S.'



Answers To Quiz:



1. Name the one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends. Boxing.



2. North American landmark constantly moving backward: Niagara Falls .. The rim is worn down about two and a half feet each year because of the millions of gallons of water that rush over it every minute.



3. Only two vegetables that can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons: Asparagus and rhubarb.



4. The fruit with its seeds on the outside: Strawberry.



5. How did the pear get inside the brandy bottle? It grew inside the bottle. The bottles are placed over pear buds when they are small, and are wired in place on the tree. The bottle is left in place for the entire growing season. When the pears are ripe, they are snipped off at the stems.



6. Three English words beginning with dw: Dwarf, dwell and dwindle.



7. Fourteen punctuation marks in English grammar: Period, comma, colon, semicolon, dash, hyphen, apostrophe, question mark, exclamation point, quotation mark, brackets, parenthesis, braces, and ellipses.



8. The only vegetable or fruit never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form but fresh: Lettuce.



9. Six or more things you can wear on your feet beginning with 'S': Shoes, socks, sandals, sneakers, slippers, skis, skates, snowshoes, stockings, stilts.



PLEASE DO YOUR PART;

Today is National Mental Health Day.

You can do your part by remembering to send this e-mail to at least one mentally-challenged person.



Well, my job's done!



Just don't send it back to me. I've already flunked it once

LIFE'S TOP TEN REALITIES...

NUMBER 10

Life is sexually transmitted.

NUMBER 9

Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

NUMBER 8

Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

NUMBER 7

Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.

NUMBER 6

Some people are like a Slinky - not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.

NUMBER 5

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospitals, dying of nothing.

NUMBER 4

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

NUMBER 3

Why does a slight tax increase cost you $800.00, and a substantial tax cut saves you $30.00?

NUMBER 2

In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

AND THE NUMBER 1 THOUGHT

Life is like a jar of Jalapeno peppers--what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.

As someone recently said to me . . .

"Don't worry about old age--it doesn't last that long".

MIRANDA WARNING...

A female police officer arrests a Marine fighter pilot for drunk driving.

She tells the pilot, "Sir, you have the right to remain silent. Anything you say, can and will be held against you.."

The Marine pilot says, "Tits.."

THOUGHT YOU MIGHT ENJOY THIS...

Someone asked the other day, 'What was your favorite fast food when you were growing up?'

'We didn't have fast food when I was growing up,' I informed him.

'All the food was slow. '

'C'mon, seriously. Where did you eat?'

'It was a place called 'at home,'' I explained. !

'Mom cooked every day and when Dad got home from work, we sat down together at the dining room table, and if I didn't like what she put on my plate I was allowed to sit there until I did like it.'


By this time, the kid was laughing so hard I was afraid he was going to suffer serious internal damage, so I didn't tell him the part about how I had to have permission to leave the table.

But here are some other things I would have told him about my childhood if I figured his system could have handled it :

Some parents NEVER owned their own house, never wore Levis, never set foot on a golf course, never traveled out of the country or had a credit card.

In their later years they had something called a revolving charge card. The card was good only at Sears Roebuck. Or maybe it was Sears & Roebuck.

Either way, there is no Roebuck anymore. Maybe he died.


My parents never drove me to soccer practice. This was mostly because we never had heard of soccer. I had a bicycle that weighed probably 50 pounds, and only had one speed, (slow)

We didn't have a televisi on in our house until I was 19.

It was, of course, black and white, and the station went off the air at midnight, after playing the national anthem and a poem about God; it came back on the air at about 6 a..m. And there was usually a locally produced news and farm show on, featuring local people.


I w as 21 before I tasted my first pizza, it was called 'pizza pie.'

When I bit into it, I burned the roof of my mouth and the cheese slid off, swung down, plastered itself against my chin and burned that, too. It's still the best pizza I ever had..


I never had a telephone in my room.

The only phone in the house was in the living room and it was on a party line. Before you could dial, you had to listen and make sure some people you didn't know weren't already using the line.

Pizzas were not delivered to our home But milk was.

All newspapers were delivered by boys and all boys delivered newspapers --my brother delivered a newspaper, six days a week. It cost 7 cents a paper, of which he got to keep 2 cents. He had to get up at 6AM every morning.

On Saturday, he had to collect the 42 cents from his customers. His favorite customers were the ones who gave him 50 cents and told him to keep the change. His least favorite customers were the ones who seemed to never be home on collection day.

Movie stars kissed with their mouths shut. At least, they did in the movies. There were no movie ratings because all movies were responsibly produced for everyone to enjoy viewing, without profanity or violence or most anything offensive.


If you grew up in a generation before there was fast food, you may want to share some of these memories with your children or grandchildren Just don't blame me if they bust a gut laughing.


Growing up isn't what it used to be, is it?

MEMORIES from a friend :

My Dad is cleaning out my grandmother's house (she died in December) and he brought me an old Royal Crown Cola bottle. In the bottle top was a stopper with a bunch of holes in it.. I knew immediately what it was, but my daughter had no idea.. She thought they had tried to make it a salt shaker or something. I knew it as the bottle that sat on the end of the ironing board to 'sprinkle' clothes with because we didn't have steam irons. Man, I am old.

How many do you remember?

& nbsp; Head lights dimmer switches on the floor.
Ignition switches on the dashboard.
Heaters mounted on the inside of the fire wall.
Real ice boxes.
Pant leg clips for bicycles without chain guards.
Soldering irons you heat on a gas burner.
Using hand signals for cars without turn signals.

Older Than Dirt Quiz :

Count all the ones that you remember not the ones you were told about.

Ratings at the bottom.

1.. Blackjack chewing gum
2.Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water
3. Candy cigarettes
4. Soda pop machines that dispensed glass bottles
5. Coffee shops or diners with tableside juke boxes
6. Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers
7. Party lines on the telephone
8 Newsreels before the movie
9. P.F. Flyers
10. Butch wax
11.TV test patterns that came on at night after the last show and were there until TV shows started again in the morning. (there were only 3 channels [if you were fortunate])
12. Peashooters
13. Howdy Doody
14. 45 RPM records
15. S& H greenstamps
16. Hi-fi's
17. Metal ice trays with lever
18. Mimeograph paper
19. Blue flashbulb
20. Packards
21. Roller skate keys
22. Cork popguns
23. Drive-ins
24. Studebakers
25. Wash tub wringers

If you remembered 0-5 = You're still young
If you remembered 6-10 = You are getting older
If you remembered 11-15 = Don't tell your age,
If you remembered 16-25 = You' re older than dirt!


I might be older than dirt but those memories are some of the best parts of my life.

CELIBACY...

What is Celibacy?


Celibacy can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by circumstances.


While attending a Marriage Weekend, Frank and his wife Ann listened to the instructor declare, It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.
He then addressed the men.

Can you name and describe your wife's favorite flower?
Frank leaned over, touched Ann's arm gently, and whispered,

Gold Medal-All-Purpose, Isn't it?

And thus began Frank's life of celibacy.

DEFINIITIONS OF MARKETING...

People often ask for a simple explanation of "Marketing". Well, here it is:


1. You're a woman and you see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say, "I'm fantastic in bed." That's Direct Marketing.

2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy.One of your friends goes up to him and, pointing at you, says, "She's fantastic in bed." That's Advertising.

3. You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed." That's Telemarketing.

4. You see a guy at a party; you straighten your dress. You walk up to him and pour him a drink. You say, "May I?" and reach up to straighten his tie, brushing your breast lightly against his arm, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed." That's Public Relations.

5. You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you and says, "I hear you're fantastic in bed." That's Brand Recognition.

6. You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He fancies you, but you talk him into going home with your friend. That's a Sales Rep.

7. Your friend can't satisfy him so he calls you. That's Tech Support.

8. You're on your way to a party when you realize that there could be handsome men in all these houses you're passing, so you climb onto the roof of one situated towards the center and shout at the top of your lungs, "I'm fantastic in bed!" That's Junk Mail.

9. You are at a party, this attractive older man walks up to you and grabs your ass. That's former President Bill Clinton.

10. You like it, but twenty years later your attorney decides you were offended and you are awarded a settlement. That's America!

GLOBAL FACTS ABOUT SEX...

At Any Given Moment:

FACT: 79,000,000 people are engaged in sex - right now!

FACT: 58,000,000 are kissing.

FACT: 37,000,000 are relaxing after having sex.

FACT: 1 old person is reading emails.

You hang in there, Sunshine ......

COFFEE HURTS

I was eating lunch on the 20th of February with my 6-year-old
granddaughter and I asked her, "What day is tomorrow?"

She said "It's President's Day!"

She is a smart kid. So, I asked "What does President's Day mean?"

I was waiting for something about Washington or Lincoln etc.

She replied, "President's Day is when President Obama steps out of the
White House, and if he sees his shadow we have one more year of
unemployment."


You know, it hurts when hot coffee spurts out your nose.

OBAMA, I AM...

Makes you wonder what he will do with four more years!
If you haven’t seen this, it reveals a lot.

http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=tCAffMSWSzY#t=28

NEWFIE...

A drunk from Crinkle Cove, Newfoundland walks out of a bar with a key in his hand and he is stumbling back and forth.

A cop on the beat sees him and approaches,
"Can I help you Sir?"

"Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole my carrr", the Newfie replies.

The cop asks, "Where was your car the last time you saw it?"

"It wasss on the end of thisshh key", the Newfie replies.

About that time the cop looks down and sees the man's willy hanging out of his fly for all the world to see.

He asks the man, "Sir are you aware that you are exposing yourself?"

Momentarily confused, the drunk Newfie looks down at his crotch and without
Missing a beat, blurts out....

"Holy shit! Me girlfriend's gone, too!!

PROUD IRISH FATHER...

An Irishman was drinking in a bar in London when he gets a call on his cell-phone.

He orders drinks for everybody in the bar as he announces his wife has just produced a typical Irish baby boy weighing 25 pounds.

Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the man just shrugs,
"That's about average up our way, folks...like I said - my boy's a typical County Clare baby boy."

Two weeks later the man returns to the bar.. The bartender says,
"Say, you're the father of that typical Irish baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth, aren't you?

Everybody's been making' bets about how big he'd be in two weeks .... so how much does he weigh now?"
The proud father answers, "Seventeen pounds."

The bartender is puzzled and concerned. "What happened?" "He was 25 pounds the day he was born."

The father takes a slow swig of his Jameson Irish Whisky, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says,

"Had him circumcised."

CALORIES...

This is totally insulting

They say that during sex you burn off as many calories as running 8 miles.
Who the hell can run 8 miles in 30 seconds?....... ..... :-)

MEN'S HELPLINE...

Hi Ed,

I really need your advice on a serious problem. I have
suspected for some time now that my wife has been
cheating on me. The usual signs: If the phone rings and
I answer, the caller hangs up; she goes out with the girls
a lot (I try to stay awake to look out for her when she
comes home, but I usually fall asleep). Anyway, last
night about midnight, I hid in the shed behind the boat.
When she came home she got out of someone's car
buttoning her blouse, then she took her panties out of
her purse and slipped them on. It was at that moment
crouched behind the boat that I noticed a hairline crack in
the outboard engine mounting bracket. Is that something
I can weld or do I need to replace the whole bracket?

Thursday, April 12, 2012

GOOD MORNING AMERICA...

Good morning America HERE is just SOME OF the Changes that Obama PROMISED was to come if you elect me as YOUR NEXT PRESIDENT. READ BELOW AND SEE HOW EXCITED YOU ARE AND THEN REMEMBER NOVEMBER!!!!!!!!!!!!


Every American - in my opinion - needs to READ this and pass it along to everyone they know.



Here's Your Death Sentence....DO READ THIS!
I had one of the most troubling, most disturbing conversations ever with
Dr. Suzanne Allen, head of emergency services at the
Johnson City Medical Center in Tennessee. We were discussing the "future"
and I asked her had she seen any affects of Obama Care in her work?

"Oh, yes. We are seeing cutbacks throughout the services we provide. For
example, we are now having to deal with patients who would normally receive
dialysis can no longer be accepted. In the past, there was always automatic
approval under Medicare for anyone who needed dialysis -- not anymore." So,
what will be their outcome? "They will die soon without dialysis," she
stated.

What about other services? She indicated as of 2013 (after the election), no
one over 75 will be given major medical procedures unless approved by
locally administered Ethics Panels. These Panels will determine whether a
patient receives medical treatment or not. While details on specific
operating procedures and schedules, Dr. Allen points out that most
life-threatening emergencies do not occur during normal hospital business
hours, and if there are emergencies that depend to be resolve within minutes
or just few hours, the likely hood of getting these Panels approval in time
to save a life are going to be very challenging and difficult, if not
impossible she said.

This applies to major operations such as receiving stents, bypass surgery,
kidney operations, or treating for an aneurysm that would be normally
covered under Medicare today. In other words, if you needed a life-saving
operation, Medicare will not provide coverage anymore after 2013 if you are
75 or over. When in 2013? "We haven't been given a specific date -- could be
in January or July....but it's after the election."

This is shocking to any of us who will be 75 this year. Her advice -- get
healthy and stay healthy. We do not know the specifics of the actual
implementation of the full Obama Care policies and procedures -- "they
haven't filtered down to the local level yet. But we are already seeing
severe cuts in what we provide to the elderly -- we refused dialysis to an
individual who was 78 just the other day....we refused to give stents to a
gentleman who was in his late 80s." Every day, she said, we are seeing these
cutbacks aimed at reducing care across the board for anyone who is over 75.

We can only hope that Obama Care will be overturned by the Supreme Court
-- otherwise, this is a death sentence to those who are over 75....perhaps
you should pass this on to your friends who are thinking of voting for Obama
this year.

Regardless if you have private health care coverage now (I have Aetna
Medicare Part B) -- it will no longer apply after 2013 if the Ethics Panels
disapprove of a procedure that may save your life.
Scary, scary, scary. Think about this? You? Your parents? Your loved ones?

Didn't know about it? Of course, not. As Nancy Pelosi said...."well, if you
want to know what's in the bill, you'll have to read it....." After it was
passed.

This is a graphic reminder of the need to stay healthy. Get your plot now at
Forest Lawn....while they last. Is this a death sentence to those of us who
will reach 75?.....Yes!

AN IMPRESSIVE LIST OF ACCOMPLISHMENTS...

Read it and think before you vote in November…

First President to apply for college aid as a foreign student, then deny he was a foreigner.
First President to have a social security number from a state he has never lived in.
First President to preside over a cut to the credit-rating of the United States.
First President to violate the War Powers Act.
First President to be held in contempt of court for illegally obstructing oil drilling in the Gulf of Mexico .
First President to defy a Federal Judge's court order to cease implementing the Health Care Reform Law.
First President to require all Americans to purchase a product from a third party.
First President to spend a trillion dollars on 'shovel-ready' jobs when there was no such thing as 'shovel-ready' jobs.
First President to abrogate bankruptcy law to turn over control of companies to his union supporters.
First President to by-pass Congress and implement the Dream Act through executive fiat.
First President to order a secret amnesty program that stopped the deportation of illegal immigrants across the U.S., including those with criminal convictions.
First President to demand a company hand-over $20 billion to one of his political appointees.
First President to have a law signed by an auto-pen without being present.
First President to arbitrarily declare an existing law unconstitutional and refuse to enforce it.
First President to threaten insurance companies if they publicly spoke-out on the reasons for their rate increases.
First President to tell a major manufacturing company (Boeing) in which State they are allowed to locate a factory.
First President to file lawsuits against the states he swore an oath to protect (AZ, WI, OH, IN).
First President to withdraw an existing coal permit that had been properly issued years ago.
First President to fire an inspector general of Ameri-corps for catching one of his friends in a corruption case.
First President to appoint 45 czars to replace elected officials in his office.
First President to golf 73 separate times in his first two and a half years in office, 90 to date & counting.
First President to hide his medical, educational and travel records.
First President to win a Nobel Peace Prize for doing NOTHING to earn it.
First President to not know how to properly pronounce Navy 'corpsman'.
First President to go on multiple global 'apology tours'--including bowing to foreign rulers.
First President to go on 17 lavish vacations, including date nights and Wednesday evening White House parties for his friends; paid for by the taxpayer.
First President to not know that Austrians speak German.
First President to say that America was not a Christian nation.
First President to have 22 personal servants (taxpayer funded) just for his wife.
First President to keep a dog trainer on retainer for $102,000 a year at taxpayer expense.

So how is this hope and change working out for ya? Don't you feel better now?

QUOTE OF THE DAY...

Paradoxical Quote of The Day From Ben Stein:

"Fathom the Hypocrisy of a Government
that requires every citizen to prove
they are insured... but not everyone
must prove they are a citizen."

SUPERMARKET...

A new supermarket opened near my house. It has an automatic
water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes
on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of
fresh rain.

When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and
experience the scent of fresh hay.

When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and
cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of
bacon and eggs frying.

The veggie department features the smell of fresh buttered
corn.

I don't buy toilet paper there any more.

ONESTONE...

There once was an Indian whose given name was "Onestone", so named
because he had only one testicle.

He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone.
After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said,
"If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!"

The word got around and nobody called him that any more.

Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said, "Good
morning, Onestone." He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into
the forest where he made love to her all day and all night. He made love
to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion.

The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do.

Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until a
woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away for
many years. Yellow Bird, who was Blue Bird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw
Onestone. She hugged him and said, "Good to see you, Onestone." Onestone grabbed
her, took her deep into the forest, then he made love to her all day,
made love to her all night, made love to her all the next day, made love to
her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn't die!

What is the moral of this story?

You can't kill two birds with one stone.

Monday, January 30, 2012

STELLA AWARDS...

It's time again for the annual 'Stella Awards'!


For those unfamiliar with these awards, they are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued the McDonald's in New Mexico, where she purchased coffee. You remember, she took the lid off the coffee and put it between her knees while she was driving. Who would ever think one could get burned doing that, right? That's right; these are awards for the most outlandish lawsuits and verdicts in the U.S. You know the kind of cases that make you scratch your head. So keep your head scratcher handy


Here are the Stellas for this past year -- 2011


* SEVENTH PLACE *

Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas was awarded $80,000 by a jury ofher peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The store owners were understandably surprised by the verdict, considering the running toddler was her own son.


Start scratching!


* SIXTH PLACE *

Carl Truman, 19, of Los Angeles, California won $74,000 plus medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.


Scratch some more...


* FIFTH PLACE *

Terrence Dickson, of Bristol, Pennsylvania , who was leaving a house he had just burglarized by way of the garage. Unfortunately for Dickson, the automatic garage door opener malfunctioned and he could not get the garage door to open. Worse, he couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the garage to the house locked when Dickson pulled it shut.


Forced to sit for eight, count 'em, EIGHT days and survive on a case of Pepsi and a large bag of dry dog food, he sued the home owner's insurance company claiming undue mental Anguish. Amazingly, the jury said the insurance company must pay Dickson $500,000 for his anguish. We should all have this kind of anguish Keep scratching. .


Double hand scratching after this one..


* FOURTH PLACE *

Jerry Williams, of Little Rock, Arkansas , garnered 4th Place in the Stella's when he was awarded $14,500 plus medical expenses after being bitten on the butt by his next door neighbor's beagle - even though the beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. Williams did not get as much as he asked for because the jury believed the beagle might have been provoked at the time of the butt bite because Williams had climbed over the fence into the yard and repeatedly shot the dog with a pellet gun.


Pick a new spot to scratch, you're getting a bald spot..


* THIRD PLACE *

Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania because a jury ordered a Philadelphia restaurant to pay her $113,500 after she slipped on a spilled soft drink and broke her tailbone. The reason the soft drink was on the floor: Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument. What ever happened to people being responsible for their own actions?

Only two more so ease up on the scratching...


*SECOND PLACE*

Kara Walton, of Claymont, Delaware sued the owner of a night club in a nearby city because she fell from the bathroom window to the floor, knocking out her two front teeth. Even though Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the ladies room window to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge, the jury said the night club had to pay her $12,000....oh, yeah, plus dental expenses. Go figure.


Ok. Here we go!! Drum roll ...


* FIRST PLACE *

This year's runaway First Place Stella Award winner was: Mrs. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, who purchased new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On her first trip home, from an OU football game, having driven on to the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the
driver's seat to go to the back of the Winnebago to make herself a sandwich not surprisingly, the motor home left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Also not surprisingly, Mrs. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not putting in the owners manual that she couldn't actually leave the driver's seat while the cruise control was set. The Oklahoma jury awarded her, are you sitting down? $1,750,000 PLUS a new motor home.


Winnebago actually changed their manuals as a result of this suit, just in case Mrs. Grazinski has any relatives who might also buy a motor home.

If you think the court system is out of control and America has lost ALL common sense, be sure to pass this one on!!!
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NOT RACIST...

NOT VIOLENT...

JUST NOT SILENT ANY MORE!


KEEP This One Going!

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

YOU COULD HAVE HEARD A PIN DROP...

Whilst we Anglo Saxon's are not perfect...almost I know but not quite, in the light of recent events when Mr Cameron has been getting a thrashing by Merkel, Sarkosy and the other Europhiles here. The following seems quite apt...They seem to have very short memories on the continent…..
………………...

JFK'S Secretary of State, Dean Rusk, was in France in the early 60's when DeGaulle decided to pull out of NATO. De Gaulle said he wanted all US military out of France as soon as possible.
Rusk responded
"Does that include those who are buried here?"
De Gaulle did not respond.

You could have heard a pin drop.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a conference in France where a number of international engineers were taking part, including French and American. During a break, one of the French engineers came back into the room saying 'Have you heard the latest dumb stunt Bush has done? He has sent an aircraft carrier to Indonesia to help the tsunami victims. What does he intended to do, bomb them?'
A Boeing engineer stood up and replied quietly:
'Our carriers have three hospitals on board that can treat several hundred people; they are nuclear powered and can supply emergency electrical power to shore facilities; they have three cafeterias with the capacity to feed 3,000 people three meals a day, they can produce several thousand gallons of fresh water from sea water each day, and they carry half a dozen helicopters for use in transporting victims and injured to and from their flight deck. We have eleven such ships; how many does France have?'

You could have heard a pin drop.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A U.S. Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference that included Admirals from the U.S. English, Canadian, Australian and French Navies. At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a large group of Officers that included personnel from most of those countries. Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks but a French admiral suddenly complained that, whereas Europeans learn many languages, Americans learn only English. He then asked, 'Why is it that we always have to speak English in these conferences rather than speaking French?'
Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied,
'Maybe it's because the Brit's, Canadians, Aussie's and Americans arranged it so you wouldn't have to speak German.'

You could have heard a pin drop.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
AND THIS STORY FITS RIGHT IN
WITH THE ABOVE...

Robert Whiting, an elderly gentleman of 83, arrived in Paris by plane. At French Customs, he took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry on.
"You have been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked sarcastically.
Mr. Whiting admitted that he had been to France previously.
"Then you should know enough to have your passport ready."
The American said,
'The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."
"Impossible. Americans always have to show your passports on arrival in France !"
The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly explained,
''Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in 1944 to help liberate this country, I couldn't find a single Frenchmen to show a passport to."
You could have heard a pin drop.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If you are proud to be an American, Canadian, Australian or British pass this on! If not, delete it.

GUN CONTROL...

Barack Obama, at a recent rural elementary school assembly in West Virginia,
asked the audience for total quiet. Then, in the silence, he started to
Slowly clap his hands once every few seconds, holding the audience in total silence.

Then he said into the microphone, 'Children, every time I clap my hands together, a
child in America dies from gun violence.'

Then, little Richard Earl, with a proud West Virginia drawl,
pierced the quiet and said: 'Well, dumbass, stop clapping!'

CHEVROLET DEALERSHIP...

I stopped by the Chevrolet Dealership yesterday, for a look at the new
Silverado 1500 pickup.

Just for fun, I took it out for a test drive.. I wanted to sense that new
"feel" before they become extinct.

The salesman (a black man wearing an Obama "change" lapel pin) sat in the
passenger seat describing the truck and all its "wonderful" options. The
seats were of particular interest. He explained that the seats directed
warm air to your butt in the winter and directed cool air to your butt in
the summer heat.Feeling like messing with him, I mentioned that this must
be a Republican truck.

Looking a bit angry, he asked why I thought it was a Republican truck. I
explained that if it were an Obama truck, the seats would blow smoke up
your ass year-round.

I had to walk back to the dealership...damn guy had no sense of humor!

GRANDPA..

THIS OUGHT TO MAKE ALL GRANDPA'S FEEL WARM & FUZZY

A six year old goes to the hospital with her grandmother to visit her Grandpa. When they get to the hospital, she runs ahead of her Grandma and bursts into her Grandpa's room saying to him excitedly "Grandpa, Grandpa, as soon as Grandma comes into the room, make a noise like a frog!"

"What?" said her Grandpa.


"Make a noise like a frog - because Grandma said that as soon as you croak, we're all going to Disney Land !

TOP TEN REASONS...

Top Ten Reasons Why Men Prefer Guns Over Women

And here we go...

#10 - You can trade an old 44 for a new 22.

#9 - You can keep one gun at home and have another for when you're on the road.

#8 - If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.

#7 - Your primary gun doesn't mind if you keep another gun for a backup.

#6 - Your gun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.

#5 - A gun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.

#4 - Guns function normally every day of the month.

#3 - A gun doesn't ask , "Do these new grips make me look fat?"

#2 - A gun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.

And the Number One reason
Why Men Prefer Guns over women.....

#1 - You can buy a silencer for a gun

THIS WILL BE A CLASSIC...

Great line in the editorial of the Kentucky Statesmen recently.

This will be classic!!! It should be engraved in stone at the front of the Capitol.

“Witnessing the Republicans and the Democrats bicker over the U.S. debt is like watching two drunks argue over a bar bill on the Titanic.”

FATHER DAUGHTER TALK...

A rather gentle explanation of the difference in thinking between people
with opposite outlooks.

A young woman was about to finish her first year of college. Like so many
others her age, she considered herself to be very liberal, and among other
liberal ideals, was very much in favor of higher taxes to support more
government programs, in other words redistribution of wealth.

She was deeply ashamed that her father was a rather staunch conservative, a
feeling she openly expressed. Based on the lectures that she had
participated in, and the occasional chat with a professor, she felt that her
father had for years harbored an evil, selfish desire to keep what he
thought should be his.

One day she was challenging her father on his opposition to higher taxes on
the rich and the need for more government programs.

The self-professed objectivity proclaimed by her professors had to be the
truth and she indicated so to her father. He responded by asking how she was
doing in school.

Taken aback, she answered rather haughtily that she had a 4.0 GPA, and let
him know that it was tough to maintain, insisting that she was taking a very
difficult course load and was constantly studying, which left her no time to
go out and party like other people she knew. She didn't even have time for a
boyfriend, and didn't really have many college friends because she spent all
her time studying.

Her father listened and then asked, "How is your friend Audrey doing?"

She replied, "Audrey is barely getting by. All she takes are easy classes,
she never studies and she barely has a 2.0 GPA. She is so popular on campus;
college for her is a blast. She's always invited to all the parties and lots
of times she doesn't even show up for classes because she's too hung over."

Her wise father asked his daughter, "Why don't you go to the Dean's office
and ask him to deduct 1.0 off your GPA and give it to your friend who only
has a 2.0. That way you will both have a 3.0 GPA and certainly that would be
a fair and equal distribution of GPA."

The daughter, visibly shocked by her father's suggestion, angrily fired
back, "That's a crazy idea, how would that be fair! I've worked really hard
for my grades! I've invested a lot of time, and a lot of hard work! Audrey
has done next to nothing toward her degree. She played while I worked my
tail off!"

The father slowly smiled, winked and said gently, "Welcome to the
conservative side of the fence."

If you ever wondered what side of the fence you sit on, this is a great
test!

If a conservative doesn't like guns, he doesn't buy one.

If a liberal doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.

If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn't eat meat.
If a liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for
everyone.

If a conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his
situation.

A liberal wonders who is going to take care of him.

If a conservative doesn't like a talk show host, he switches channels.
Liberals demand that those they don't like be shut down.

If a conservative is a non-believer, he doesn't go to church.

A liberal non-believer wants any mention of God and Jesus silenced.

If a conservative decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for
it, or may choose a job that provides it.

A liberal demands that the rest of us pay for his.

If a conservative reads this, he'll forward it so his friends can have a
good laugh.

A liberal will delete it because he's "offended."

Well, I forwarded it to you.

BEST 2012 CAMPAIGN POSTER!

This is too good...
Be sure to check out where the "quote" came from.

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The Quote of the Decade:
"The fact that we are here today to debate raising America 's debt limit is a sign of leadership failure. It is a sign that the US Government cannot pay its own bills. It is a sign that we now depend on ongoing financial assistance from foreign countries to finance our Government's reckless fiscal policies. Increasing America 's debt weakens us domestically and internationally. Leadership means that, "the buck stops here.' Instead, Washington is shifting the burden of bad choices today onto the backs of our children and grandchildren. America has a debt problem and a failure of leadership. Americans deserve better."
~ Senator Barack H. Obama, March 2006

(...it was so nice of him to give us this great quote for posterity!)
SO, USE IT!!!

BEAUTIFUL STORY...

One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the road-side eating grass.

Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate.

He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"

"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass."

"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the lawyer said.

"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree."

"Bring them along," the lawyer replied.

Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You may come with us, also."
The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!"

"Bring them all as well," the lawyer answered.

They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was.

Once under way, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind."

"Thank you for taking all of us with you.

The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. "You'll really love my place.

"The grass is almost a foot high."

Come on now...you really didn't think there was such a thing as a heartwarming lawyer story...
did you????