While everyone is focusing on Arizona 's new law, look what Oklahoma has been doing!!!!
An update from Oklahoma:
Oklahoma law passed, 37 to 9, had a few liberals in the mix, an amendment to place the Ten Commandments on the front entrance to the state capitol. The feds in D.C., along with the ACLU, said it would be a mistake. Hey this is a conservative state, based on Christian values...! HB 1330
Guess what......... Oklahoma did it anyway.
Oklahoma recently passed a law in the state to incarcerate all illegal immigrants, and ship them back to where they came from unless they want to get a green card and become an American citizen. They all scattered. HB 1804. Hope we didn't send any of them to your state. This was against the advice of the Federal Government, and the ACLU, they said it would be a mistake.
Guess what......... Oklahoma did it anyway.
Recently we passed a law to include DNA samples from any and all illegal's to the Oklahoma database, for criminal investigative purposes. Pelosi said it was unconstitutional. SB 1102
Guess what........ Oklahoma did it anyway.
Several weeks ago, we passed a law, declaring Oklahoma as a Sovereign state, not under the Federal Government directives. Joining Texas, http://www.incredimail.com/app/?tag=emoticon_click_me&lang=9&version=5864300&setup_id=7&aff_id=101&tID=106045&addon=IncrediMail&upn=5a787a62-70a9-471d-884c-85e7395399bb&id=95202&guid=A1E2440B-6D89-4649-B90B-210F9DF6DAB2 Montana and Utah as the only states to do so. More states are likely to follow: Louisiana, Alabama, Georgia, the Carolina's, Tennessee, Kentucky, Missouri, Arkansas, West Virginia, Mississippi, Florida. Save your confederate money, it appears the South is about to rise up once again. HJR 1003
The federal Government has made bold steps to take away our guns. Oklahoma, a week ago, passed a law confirming people in this state have the right to bear arms and transport them in their vehicles. I'm sure that was a set back for the criminals. The Liberals didn't like it -- But ....
Guess what.......... Oklahoma did it anyway.
Just this month, the state has voted and passed a law that ALL driver's license exams will be printed in English, and only English, and no other language. They have been called racist for doing this, but the fact is that ALL of the road signs are in English only. If you want to drive in Oklahoma , you must read and write English. Really simple.
By the way, the Liberals don't like any of this either.
Guess what....who cares... Oklahoma is doing it anyway.
I really don't know in what direction this blog is going to go...So stay tuned and enjoy the ride...
Monday, March 14, 2011
THE HAIRCUT...
One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut.
After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I
cannot accept money from you , I'm doing community service this week..'
The florist was pleased and left the shop.
When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a
'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.
Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill,
the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you , I'm doing
community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop.
The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you'
card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.
Then a Congressman came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill,
the barber again replied, 'I can not accept money from you. I'm doing community
service this week.' The Congressman was very happy and left the shop.
The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a
dozen Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut.
And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the
citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.
BOTH POLITICIANS AND DIAPERS NEED TO BE CHANGED OFTEN ~ AND FOR THE
SAME REASON!
After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I
cannot accept money from you , I'm doing community service this week..'
The florist was pleased and left the shop.
When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a
'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.
Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill,
the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you , I'm doing
community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop.
The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you'
card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.
Then a Congressman came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill,
the barber again replied, 'I can not accept money from you. I'm doing community
service this week.' The Congressman was very happy and left the shop.
The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a
dozen Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut.
And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the
citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.
BOTH POLITICIANS AND DIAPERS NEED TO BE CHANGED OFTEN ~ AND FOR THE
SAME REASON!
I.Q. QUESTION...
You are walking along holding an umbrella for your wife. You approach a gate with an obstruction above it made of steel.
Choose one:
a. You should lower the umbrella, close the umbrella, pass the umbrella through the gate and open it on the other side.
b. You should leave the umbrella open and pass it over the top of the obstruction and continue on the other side.
c. You should continue to hold the umbrella in the same position because a metal solid will pass through another metal solid unobstructed. It a law of physics.
d. You should resign because you are too dumb to hold a public office.
Choose one:
a. You should lower the umbrella, close the umbrella, pass the umbrella through the gate and open it on the other side.
b. You should leave the umbrella open and pass it over the top of the obstruction and continue on the other side.
c. You should continue to hold the umbrella in the same position because a metal solid will pass through another metal solid unobstructed. It a law of physics.
d. You should resign because you are too dumb to hold a public office.
TWO BRAZILLIAN...
The Dept of Defense briefed the President this morning.
They told President Obama that 2 Brazilian soldiers were killed in Iraq.
To everyone's surprise, he collapsed onto his desk, head in his
hands, visibly shaken, almost in tears.
Finally, he composed himself and asked,
'Just how many is a brazilian?'
This is not surprising, since he obviously has no understanding of
billion or trillion either.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
NYMPHOMANIAC CONVENTION...
A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in,
he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the
plane..
He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat .. As fate
would have it, she took the seat right beside his..
Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, "Business trip or pleasure?"
She turned, smiled and said, "Business.
I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention
in Boston "
He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had
ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs.
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked,
"What's your business role at this convention?"
"Lecturer," she responded. "I use information that I have
learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the
popular myths about sexuality."
"Really?" he said. "And what kind of myths are there?"
"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-
American men are the most well-endowed of all men,
when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most
likely to possess that trait.
Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers,
when actually it is men of Jewish descent who are the best.
I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best
stamina is the Southern Redneck."
Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and
blushed. "I'm sorry," she said, "I shouldn't really be
discussing all of this with you. I don't even know your name.."
"Tonto," the man said,
"Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me
Bubba.
he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the
plane..
He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat .. As fate
would have it, she took the seat right beside his..
Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, "Business trip or pleasure?"
She turned, smiled and said, "Business.
I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention
in Boston "
He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had
ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs.
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked,
"What's your business role at this convention?"
"Lecturer," she responded. "I use information that I have
learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the
popular myths about sexuality."
"Really?" he said. "And what kind of myths are there?"
"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-
American men are the most well-endowed of all men,
when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most
likely to possess that trait.
Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers,
when actually it is men of Jewish descent who are the best.
I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best
stamina is the Southern Redneck."
Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and
blushed. "I'm sorry," she said, "I shouldn't really be
discussing all of this with you. I don't even know your name.."
"Tonto," the man said,
"Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me
Bubba.
MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE...
Lesson 1 :
A priest offered a Nun a lift.
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
The priest nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg...
The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
Lesson 2 :
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk.. 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world..' Poof! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas, and the love of my life.' Poof! He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 3
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?' The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson 4
A turkey was chatting with a bull. 'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'
'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. It's full of nutrients.'
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch..
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there...
Lesson 5
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Moral of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
THUS ENDS THE 5-MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE.
A priest offered a Nun a lift.
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
The priest nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg...
The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
Lesson 2 :
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk.. 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world..' Poof! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas, and the love of my life.' Poof! He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 3
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?' The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson 4
A turkey was chatting with a bull. 'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'
'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. It's full of nutrients.'
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch..
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there...
Lesson 5
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Moral of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
THUS ENDS THE 5-MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
OLDER WOMEN ARE SO RESONABLE...
AFTER BEING MARRIED FOR 44 YEARS, I TOOK A CAREFUL LOOK AT MY WIFE ONE DAY AND SAID, '44 YEARS AGO WE HAD A CHEAP APARTMENT, A CHEAP CAR, SLEPT ON A SOFA BED AND WATCHED A 10-INCH BLACK AND WHITE TV, BUT I GOT TO SLEEP EVERY NIGHT WITH A HOT 25-YEAR-OLD GIRL".
NOW I HAVE A $1,500,000.00 HOME, A $45,000.00 CAR, NICE BIG BED AND PLASMA SCREEN TV, BU T I'M SLEEPING WITH A 65-YEAR-OLD WOMAN. IT SEEMS TO ME THAT YOU'RE NOT HOLDING UP YOUR SIDE OF THINGS.'
MY WIFE IS A VERY REASONABLE WOMAN. SHE TOLD ME TO GO OUT AND FIND A HOT 25-YEAR-OLD GIRL AND SHE WOULD MAKE SURE THAT I WOULD ONCE AGAIN BE LIVING IN A CHEAP APARTMENT, DRIVING A CHEAP CAR, SLEEPING ON A SOFA BED AND WATCHING A 10-INCH BLACK AND WHITE TV.
AREN'T OLDER WOMEN GREAT? THEY REALLY KNOW HOW TO SOLVE YOUR MID-LIFE CRISES.
NOW I HAVE A $1,500,000.00 HOME, A $45,000.00 CAR, NICE BIG BED AND PLASMA SCREEN TV, BU T I'M SLEEPING WITH A 65-YEAR-OLD WOMAN. IT SEEMS TO ME THAT YOU'RE NOT HOLDING UP YOUR SIDE OF THINGS.'
MY WIFE IS A VERY REASONABLE WOMAN. SHE TOLD ME TO GO OUT AND FIND A HOT 25-YEAR-OLD GIRL AND SHE WOULD MAKE SURE THAT I WOULD ONCE AGAIN BE LIVING IN A CHEAP APARTMENT, DRIVING A CHEAP CAR, SLEEPING ON A SOFA BED AND WATCHING A 10-INCH BLACK AND WHITE TV.
AREN'T OLDER WOMEN GREAT? THEY REALLY KNOW HOW TO SOLVE YOUR MID-LIFE CRISES.
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