Will I Live to see 80? Here's something to think about.
I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, he said I was doing'fairly well' for my age. (I just turned Sixty -Two). A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you think I'll live to be 80?'
He asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer, wine or hard liquor?'
'Oh no,' I replied. 'I'm not doing drugs, either!'
Then he asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?'
'I said, 'Not much.... my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!'
'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, boating, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?
'No, I don't,' I said.
He asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lots of sex?'
'No,' I said... He looked at me and said,..
'Then, why do you even give a shit?'
I really don't know in what direction this blog is going to go...So stay tuned and enjoy the ride...
Friday, April 20, 2012
SENIORS....
To help save the economy, the Government will announce next month that the Immigration Department will start deporting seniors (instead of illegals) in order to lower Social Security and Medicare costs.
Older people are easier to catch and will not remember how to get back home.
I started to cry when I thought of you.
Then it dawned on me ... oh, crap ... I'll see you on the bus!
Older people are easier to catch and will not remember how to get back home.
I started to cry when I thought of you.
Then it dawned on me ... oh, crap ... I'll see you on the bus!
USMC...BEST JOKE OF THE YEAR...
A Marine squad was marching north of Fallujah when they came upon an
Iraqi terrorist who was badly injured and unconscious. On the opposite
side of the road was an American Marine in a similar but less serious
state. The Marine was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to
both men, the squad leader asked the injured Marine what had happened.
The Marine reported, I was heavily armed and moving north along the
highway here, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent. We saw
each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road. I yelled
to him that Saddam Hussein was a miserable, lowlife scum bag who got
what he deserved. and he yelled back that Barack Obama is a lying,
good-for-nothing, left wing Commie who isn't even an American. So I said
that Osama Bin Laden dresses and acts like a frigid, mean-spirited
lesbian! He retaliated by yelling, Oh yeah? Well, so does Nancy Pelosi!.
And, there we were, in the middle of the road, shaking hands, when a
truck hit us.
Iraqi terrorist who was badly injured and unconscious. On the opposite
side of the road was an American Marine in a similar but less serious
state. The Marine was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to
both men, the squad leader asked the injured Marine what had happened.
The Marine reported, I was heavily armed and moving north along the
highway here, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent. We saw
each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road. I yelled
to him that Saddam Hussein was a miserable, lowlife scum bag who got
what he deserved. and he yelled back that Barack Obama is a lying,
good-for-nothing, left wing Commie who isn't even an American. So I said
that Osama Bin Laden dresses and acts like a frigid, mean-spirited
lesbian! He retaliated by yelling, Oh yeah? Well, so does Nancy Pelosi!.
And, there we were, in the middle of the road, shaking hands, when a
truck hit us.
DALLAS...
Recently, the City of Dallas , Texas , passed an ordinance stating that if a driver is pulled over by law enforcement and is not able to provide proof of insurance, the car is towed.
To retrieve the car after being impounded, they must show proof of insurance to have the car released. This has made it easy for the City of Dallas to remove uninsured cars.
Shortly after the "No Insurance" ordinance was passed, the Dallas impound lots began to fill up and were full after only nine days. 80 + % of the impounded cars were driven by illegals.
Not only must they provide proof of insurance to have their car released, they have to pay for the cost of the tow, a $350 fine, and $20 for every day their car is kept in the lot.
Accident rates have gone down 47%and... Dallas' solution gets uninsured drivers off the road WITHOUT making them show proof of nationality.
Wonder how the ACLU or the Justice Department will get around this one.
GO Dallas!
To retrieve the car after being impounded, they must show proof of insurance to have the car released. This has made it easy for the City of Dallas to remove uninsured cars.
Shortly after the "No Insurance" ordinance was passed, the Dallas impound lots began to fill up and were full after only nine days. 80 + % of the impounded cars were driven by illegals.
Not only must they provide proof of insurance to have their car released, they have to pay for the cost of the tow, a $350 fine, and $20 for every day their car is kept in the lot.
Accident rates have gone down 47%and... Dallas' solution gets uninsured drivers off the road WITHOUT making them show proof of nationality.
Wonder how the ACLU or the Justice Department will get around this one.
GO Dallas!
2 COFFEES IN HEAVEN...
Having arrived at the Gates of Heaven,
Barrack Obama meets a man with a beard.
'Are you Mohamed?' he asks.
'No my son, I am St. Peter; Mohamed is higher up.'
Peter then points to a ladder that rises into the clouds.
Delighted that Mohamed should be higher than St. Peter,
Obama climbs the ladder in great strides,
climbs up through the clouds and comes into a room
where he meets another bearded man.
He asks again, 'Are you Mohamed?'
'Why no,' he answers, 'I am Moses;
Mohamed is higher still.'
Exhausted, but with a heart full of joy
he climbs the ladder yet again.
He discovers a larger room where he meets an
angelic looking man with a beard.
Full of hope, he asks again,
'Are you Mohamed?'
'No, I am Jesus, the Christ;
you will find Mohamed higher up.'
Mohamed higher than Jesus!
Man, oh man! Obama can hardly contain his
delighted climbs and climbs ever higher.
Once again, he reaches an even larger room
where he meets this truly magnificent looking man
with a silver white beard and once again repeats his question:
'Are you Mohamed?' he gasps as he is by now,
totally out of breath from all his climbing.
'No, my son, I am Almighty God, the Alpha and the Omega,
but you look exhausted.
Would you like a cup of coffee?'
Obama says, 'Yes please!'
As God looks behind him, he claps his hands
and yells out: 'Hey, Mohamed, two coffees!'
Keep your trust in God;
Your president is an idiot.
Barrack Obama meets a man with a beard.
'Are you Mohamed?' he asks.
'No my son, I am St. Peter; Mohamed is higher up.'
Peter then points to a ladder that rises into the clouds.
Delighted that Mohamed should be higher than St. Peter,
Obama climbs the ladder in great strides,
climbs up through the clouds and comes into a room
where he meets another bearded man.
He asks again, 'Are you Mohamed?'
'Why no,' he answers, 'I am Moses;
Mohamed is higher still.'
Exhausted, but with a heart full of joy
he climbs the ladder yet again.
He discovers a larger room where he meets an
angelic looking man with a beard.
Full of hope, he asks again,
'Are you Mohamed?'
'No, I am Jesus, the Christ;
you will find Mohamed higher up.'
Mohamed higher than Jesus!
Man, oh man! Obama can hardly contain his
delighted climbs and climbs ever higher.
Once again, he reaches an even larger room
where he meets this truly magnificent looking man
with a silver white beard and once again repeats his question:
'Are you Mohamed?' he gasps as he is by now,
totally out of breath from all his climbing.
'No, my son, I am Almighty God, the Alpha and the Omega,
but you look exhausted.
Would you like a cup of coffee?'
Obama says, 'Yes please!'
As God looks behind him, he claps his hands
and yells out: 'Hey, Mohamed, two coffees!'
Keep your trust in God;
Your president is an idiot.
MAJOR INSENSITIVITY...
I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair but, by turning to
religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing.
I converted to Islam, and we're stoning her in the morning!
-----------------------------------------------------------
The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers, so I did....
she's 21 and her name's Lucy.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Went to the bar with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting
"pedophile!" and other names at me, just because my girlfriend is 21
and I'm 50. It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.
-----------------------------------------------------------
My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give
him a hand-job. I said "Son, that's 3 schools this year! You'd better stop
before you're banned from teaching altogether."
-----------------------------------------------------------
Question - Are there too many immigrants in Britain ?
17% said yes;
11% said No;
72% said "I am not understanding the question please.".
-----------------------------------------------------------
The cost of living has now gotten so bad that my wife is having sex with
me because she can't afford batteries!
-------------------------------------------------------------
A teacher goes around her class asking each of the kids,, "What do they need at home?"
The 1st kid says "A computer". The teacher replies "That'd be very useful."
The 2nd kid says "a new lawn mower" and gets a similar response.
Little Johnny pops up and says, "At my house, we don't need nothin."
The teacher asks him to think again carefully as everybody needs something.
Little Johnny replies, "No, I'm sure." "When my sister started going out with a Muslim,
I remember my dad saying, 'Well, that's the last damned thing we need.'
------------------------------------------------------
A man calls 911 and says "I think my wife is dead".
The operator says, "How do you know?" He says "The sex is about the same, but the
ironing is piling up!"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
My girlfriend says she thinks that I might be a stalker.
Well... she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A wife says to her husband, "You're always pushing me around
and talking behind my back." And he says "What do you expect?
You're in a wheelchair!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My wife has been missing for a week now.
The police said to prepare for the worst.
So, I went down to Goodwill to get all of her clothes back.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
I've heard that Apple has scrapped their plans for the new
children's-oriented iPod after realizing that "iTouch Kids"
is not a good product name.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There's a new Muslim clothing shop that opened in our shopping
center, but they threw me out after I asked if I could look at some
of the bomber jackets.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Red Cross just knocked on my door and asked if we could contribute
towards the floods in Pakistan. I said we'd love to, but our garden hose only
reaches to the driveway.
religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing.
I converted to Islam, and we're stoning her in the morning!
-----------------------------------------------------------
The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers, so I did....
she's 21 and her name's Lucy.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Went to the bar with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting
"pedophile!" and other names at me, just because my girlfriend is 21
and I'm 50. It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.
-----------------------------------------------------------
My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give
him a hand-job. I said "Son, that's 3 schools this year! You'd better stop
before you're banned from teaching altogether."
-----------------------------------------------------------
Question - Are there too many immigrants in Britain ?
17% said yes;
11% said No;
72% said "I am not understanding the question please.".
-----------------------------------------------------------
The cost of living has now gotten so bad that my wife is having sex with
me because she can't afford batteries!
-------------------------------------------------------------
A teacher goes around her class asking each of the kids,, "What do they need at home?"
The 1st kid says "A computer". The teacher replies "That'd be very useful."
The 2nd kid says "a new lawn mower" and gets a similar response.
Little Johnny pops up and says, "At my house, we don't need nothin."
The teacher asks him to think again carefully as everybody needs something.
Little Johnny replies, "No, I'm sure." "When my sister started going out with a Muslim,
I remember my dad saying, 'Well, that's the last damned thing we need.'
------------------------------------------------------
A man calls 911 and says "I think my wife is dead".
The operator says, "How do you know?" He says "The sex is about the same, but the
ironing is piling up!"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
My girlfriend says she thinks that I might be a stalker.
Well... she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A wife says to her husband, "You're always pushing me around
and talking behind my back." And he says "What do you expect?
You're in a wheelchair!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My wife has been missing for a week now.
The police said to prepare for the worst.
So, I went down to Goodwill to get all of her clothes back.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
I've heard that Apple has scrapped their plans for the new
children's-oriented iPod after realizing that "iTouch Kids"
is not a good product name.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There's a new Muslim clothing shop that opened in our shopping
center, but they threw me out after I asked if I could look at some
of the bomber jackets.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Red Cross just knocked on my door and asked if we could contribute
towards the floods in Pakistan. I said we'd love to, but our garden hose only
reaches to the driveway.
WHEN TAX PAYING AMERICANS VOTE NEXT NOVEMBER...
WHEN TAX PAYING AMERICANS VOTE NEXT NOVEMBER, JUST WHAT PART OF THE FOLLOWING DO THEY NOT UNDERSTAND?
From A Florida ER Doctor- Very Disturbing / A MUST READ!!!
----- Having spent three weeks in a hospital in Naples, Florida with my wife I couldn't help noticing what was going on in the hospital and I had a lot of time to talk to the doctors and nurses about what I had observed. Below is a commentary from an ER Doctor. Do you think this might be a big reason our health care system and our social security system are so screwed up? Do you think this might be a big reason our taxes keep going up? Who do you think these people are going to vote for?
From a Florida ER doctor:
"I live and work in a state overrun with illegals.. They make more money having kids than we earn working full-time. Today I had a 25-year old with 8 kids - that's right 8; all illegal anchor babies and she had the nicest nails, cell phone, hand bag, clothing, etc. She makes about $1,500 monthly for each; you do the math. I used to say, We are the dumbest nation on earth. Now I must say and sadly admit: WE are the dumbest people on earth (that includes ME) for we elected the idiot ideologues who have passed the bills that allow this. Sorry, but we need a revolution. Vote them all out in 2012. "
--- REMEMBER ---
IN NOVEMBER 2012, WE HAVE A GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY TO CLEAN OUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE AND ONE-THIRD OF THE SENATE!
This is an insult and a kick in the butt to all of us...
Get mad and pass it on - I don't know how, but maybe some good will come of this travesty..
If the immigrant is over 65, they can apply for SSI and Medicaid and get more than a woman on Social Security, who worked from 1944 until 2004.
She is only getting $791 per month because she was born in 1924 and there's a 'catch 22.'
It is interesting that the federal government provides a single refugee with a monthly allowance of $1,890. Each can also obtain an additional $580 in social assistance, for a total of $2,470 a month.
This compares to a single pensioner, who after contributing to the growth and development of America for 40 to 50 years, can only receive a monthly maximum of $1,012 in old age pension and Guaranteed Income Supplement.
Maybe our pensioners should apply as refugees!
Consider sending this to all your American friends, so we can all be ticked off and maybe get the refugees cut back to $1,012 and the pensioners up to $2,470. Then we can enjoy some of the money we were forced to submit to the Government over the last 40 or 50 or 60 years. And not to receive a increase for 2010 or 2011. Vote them all out of office...
Please forward this to every American to expose what our elected politicians have been doing for the past 11 years to over-taxed Americans.
SEND THIS TO EVERY AMERICAN TAXPAYER YOU KNOW.
From A Florida ER Doctor- Very Disturbing / A MUST READ!!!
----- Having spent three weeks in a hospital in Naples, Florida with my wife I couldn't help noticing what was going on in the hospital and I had a lot of time to talk to the doctors and nurses about what I had observed. Below is a commentary from an ER Doctor. Do you think this might be a big reason our health care system and our social security system are so screwed up? Do you think this might be a big reason our taxes keep going up? Who do you think these people are going to vote for?
From a Florida ER doctor:
"I live and work in a state overrun with illegals.. They make more money having kids than we earn working full-time. Today I had a 25-year old with 8 kids - that's right 8; all illegal anchor babies and she had the nicest nails, cell phone, hand bag, clothing, etc. She makes about $1,500 monthly for each; you do the math. I used to say, We are the dumbest nation on earth. Now I must say and sadly admit: WE are the dumbest people on earth (that includes ME) for we elected the idiot ideologues who have passed the bills that allow this. Sorry, but we need a revolution. Vote them all out in 2012. "
--- REMEMBER ---
IN NOVEMBER 2012, WE HAVE A GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY TO CLEAN OUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE AND ONE-THIRD OF THE SENATE!
This is an insult and a kick in the butt to all of us...
Get mad and pass it on - I don't know how, but maybe some good will come of this travesty..
If the immigrant is over 65, they can apply for SSI and Medicaid and get more than a woman on Social Security, who worked from 1944 until 2004.
She is only getting $791 per month because she was born in 1924 and there's a 'catch 22.'
It is interesting that the federal government provides a single refugee with a monthly allowance of $1,890. Each can also obtain an additional $580 in social assistance, for a total of $2,470 a month.
This compares to a single pensioner, who after contributing to the growth and development of America for 40 to 50 years, can only receive a monthly maximum of $1,012 in old age pension and Guaranteed Income Supplement.
Maybe our pensioners should apply as refugees!
Consider sending this to all your American friends, so we can all be ticked off and maybe get the refugees cut back to $1,012 and the pensioners up to $2,470. Then we can enjoy some of the money we were forced to submit to the Government over the last 40 or 50 or 60 years. And not to receive a increase for 2010 or 2011. Vote them all out of office...
Please forward this to every American to expose what our elected politicians have been doing for the past 11 years to over-taxed Americans.
SEND THIS TO EVERY AMERICAN TAXPAYER YOU KNOW.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)