Friday, December 31, 2010


A very prestigious cardiologist died, and
was given a very elaborate funeral by the
hospital he worked for most of his life...
A huge heart... covered in flowers stood
behind the casket during the service as
all the doctors from the hospital sat in
awe. Following the eulogy, the heart
opened, and the casket rolled inside. The
heart then closed, sealing the doctor in
the beautiful heart forever..

At that point, one of the mourners just
-burst- into laughter. When all eyes
stared at him, he said, 'I am so sorry, I
was just thinking of my own funeral... I'm
a gynecologist.'

The priest fainted...


A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading.

After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, "Say Father, what causes arthritis?"

The priest replies, "My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath."

The drunk muttered in response, "Well, I'll be dog goned," then returned to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"

The drunk answered, "I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."

MORAL: Make sure you understand the question before offering the answer.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010


"Please be advised I am sick to death of receiving questions about my dog who mauled 3 Muslims sitting on a rug near my office, 6 illegals wearing Obama t-shirts, 4 Democrats wearing Pelosi t-shirts, 2 rappers, 5 phone operators who asked me to press #1 for English, 9 teenagers with their pants hanging down past their cracks, 8 customer service desk people speaking in broken English, 10 flag burners, and a Pakistani taxi driver.



Cletus is passing by Billy Bob's hay barn one day when, through a gap in the door, he sees Billy Bob doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old green John Deere .

Buttocks clenched, he performs a slow pirouette, and gently slides off first the right strap of his overalls, followed by the left. He then hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move, lets his overalls fall
down to his hips, revealing a torn and frayed plaid shirt . Then, grabbing both sides of his shirt, he rips it apart to reveal his stained T-shirt underneath. With a final flourish, he tears the T- shirt from his body, and
hurls his baseball cap onto a pile of hay.

Having seen enough, Cletus rushes in and says,"What the heck are you doing, Billy Bob?"

"Jeez, Cletus, ya scared the bejeezers out of me," says an obviously embarrassed Billy Bob. "But me'n the Ol' Lady been havin' trouble lately in the bedroom d'partment, and the therapist suggested I do 'something sexy to a tractor'."

[Don't make me come 'splain this to you! ---Read the last line again, slowly--out loud.]


Since more and more Seniors are texting and tweeting there appears to be a need for a STC (Senior Texting Code). If you qualify for Senior Discounts this is the code for you.

ATD: At The Doctor's
BFF: Best Friend Farted
BTW: Bring The Wheelchair
BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth
CBM: Covered By Medicare
CUATSC: See You At The Senior Center
DWI: Driving While Incontinent
FWB: Friend With Beta Blockers
FWIW: Forgot Where I Was
FYI: Found Your Insulin
GGPBL: Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low!
GHA: Got Heartburn Again
HGBM: Had Good Bowel Movement
IMHO: Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL: Living On Lipitor
LWO: Lawrence Welk's On
OMMR: On My Massage Recliner
OMSG: Oh My! Sorry, Gas.
ROFL... CGU: Rolling On The Floor Laughing... And Can't Get Up
SGGP: Sorry, Gotta Go Poop
TTYL: Talk To You Louder
WAITT: Who Am I Talking To?
WTFA: Wet The Furniture Again
WTP: Where's The Prunes?
WWNO: Walker Wheels Need Oil
GGLKI (Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In)


Here's an example of telling it like it really is. Straight from the heart to the ear of the guilty.If we did more of this sort of communications maybe, just maybe the message would have gotten to Congress years ago.

I think this guy is upset.

Senator lan (Alan) Simpson Calls Seniors 'Greediest Generation'...

From a man in Montana ....who - like the rest of us - has just about had enough

Hey Alan,
Let’s get a few things straight…

1. As a career politician, you have been on the public dole for FIFTY YEARS…

2. I have been paying Social Security taxes for 48 YEARS (since I was 15 years old. I am now 63)…

3. My Social Security payments, and those of millions of other Americans, were safely tucked away in an interest bearing account for decades until you political pukes decided to raid the account and give OUR money to a bunch of zero ambition losers in return for votes, thus bankrupting the system and turning Social Security into a Ponzi scheme that would have made Bernie Madoff proud…

4. Recently, just like Lucy & Charlie Brown, you and your ilk pulled the proverbial football away from millions of American seniors nearing retirement and moved the goalposts for full retirement from age 65 to age 67. NOW, you and your shill commission is proposing to move the goalposts YET AGAIN…

5. I, and millions of other Americans, have been paying into Medicare from Day One, and now you morons propose to change the rules of the game. Why? Because you idiots mismanaged other parts of the economy to such an extent that you need to steal money from Medicare to pay the bills…

6. I, and millions of other Americans, have been paying income taxes our entire lives, and now you propose to increase our taxes yet again. Why? Because you incompetent bastards spent our money so profligately that you just kept on spending even after you ran out of money.

Now, you come to the American taxpayers and say you need more to pay of YOUR debt… To add insult to injury, you label us “greedy” for calling “bullshit” on your incompetence. Well, Captain Bullshit, I have a few questions for YOU…

1. How much money have you earned from the American taxpayers during your pathetic 50-year political career?

2. At what age did you retire from your pathetic political career, and how much are you receiving in annual retirement benefits from the American taxpayers?

3. How much do you pay for YOUR government provided health insurance?

4. What cuts in YOUR retirement and healthcare benefits are you proposing in your disgusting deficit reduction proposal, or, as usual, have you exempted yourself and your political cronies?

It is you, Captain Bullshit, and your political co-conspirators who are “greedy”.

It is you and they who have bankrupted America and stolen the American dream from millions of loyal, patriotic taxpayers.

And for what? Votes.

That’s right, sir. You and yours have bankrupted America for the sole purpose of advancing your pathetic political careers. You know it, we know it, and you know that we know it.

And you can take that to the bank, you miserable son of a bitch.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010


A strong person knows how to keep their life in order. Even with tears
in their eyes, they still manage to say "I'm ok" with a smile. Send
this to a strong person. I just did. God is good. Change is coming. God
saw your sadness and said hard times are over. If you believe in Him,
send this to ten people including me. Watch what happens in thirty

Be honest and send this to anyone who made you smile this year. :-) It
may surprise you how many you get back. Thanks for making me smile.

Live, Laugh, Love

Sunday, December 12, 2010


Interesting reading...Stay tuned for more at 5


Here's what the article says:

HIS no-hold-barred video blogs have won him thousands of followers on the social networking site YouTube.
But it was precisely this approach that has led to a legal fracas between Sunshine Coast blogger Peter Finn and a Brisbane hotelier.
"Youtuber" Finn has found himself in legal hot water following a day out with dozens of his fellow camera-wielding YouTube "stars".
The November 21 BrizTube event was meant to be the celebration of the year for Queensland's fraternity. But instead, it's left a South Bank hotel owner consulting lawyers after his establishment was panned online by Mr Finn, one of the event organisers.
The dispute is expected to be monitored by bloggers and business owners alike amid warnings of further such cases (So the author of this article is a fortune teller?)

It began when Mr Finn, a computer shop owner who posts video blogs under the name of "Fat Aussie Barstard (sic) [It's THE Fat Aussie Barstard] attacked the South Bank's Plough Inn in an expletive-packed post the day after the event accusing the staff of treating the group poorly.
They had been stopped from filming inside, with the staff saying it was against hotel policy.
Plough Inn owner Dave Argus said he was pursuing a defamation action saying the group had been treated no differently to other partons.
"They go on YouTube and think they are a law unto themselves and just carry on like that with no regards for consequences" Mr Angus said "Unfortunately they have run into us and we are going to nail them"

But Mr Finn has defended his attack saying he was in character
"Because it was a YouTube event, I was at that event and the Fat Aussie Barstard, But we were certainly well behaved" he said. "The Fat Aussie Barstard was voicing his opinion about what happened"
Australian Defamation lawyers principle Barrie Goldsmith said a number of disputes have sparked by information on social networking sites would intensify. He said the firm had clients who were hoteliers or tourism operators who had been attacked on internet sites, particularly YouTube.
But many were stopped from taking legal action by laws preventing corporations with more than 10 employee's from suing, he said.

Written by Kelmeny Fraser


Biscuit & a life lesson..

When I was a kid, my mom liked to make breakfast food for dinner every now and then. And I remember one night in particular when she had made breakfast after a long, hard day at work. On that evening so long ago, my mom placed a plate of eggs, sausage and extremely burned biscuits in front of my dad. I remember waiting to see if anyone noticed! Yet all my dad did was reach for his biscuit, smile at my mom and ask me how my day was at school.

I don't remember what I told him that night, but I do remember watching him smear butter and jelly on that biscuit and eat every bite! When I got up from the table that evening, I remember hearing my mom apologize to my dad for burning the biscuits. And I'll never forget what he said: "Honey, I love burned biscuits."

Later that night, I went to kiss Daddy good night and I asked him if he really liked his biscuits burned. He wrapped me in his arms and said, "Your mamma put in a hard day at work today and she's real tired. And besides - a little burnt biscuit never hurt anyone!"

You know, life is full of imperfect things... And imperfect people. I'm not the best at hardly anything, and I forget birthdays and anniversaries and other things just like everyone else. What I've learned over the years is that learning you accept each others faults - and choosing to celebrate each others differences - is one of the most important keys to creating a healthy, growing, and lasting relationship. That's my prayer for you today. That you will learn to take the good, the bad, and the difficult parts of your life and lay them at the feet of God. Because in the end, He's the only One who will be able to give you a relationship where a burned biscuit isn't a deal-breaker! We could extend this to any relationship. In fact, understanding is the base of any relationship, be it a husband-wife or parent-child or friendship!

"Don't put the key to your happiness in someone else's pocket - keep it in your own." So... please pass me a biscuit, and yes, the burned one will do just fine! And please pass this along to someone who has enriched your life... I just did. Life is too short to wake up with regrets... Love the people who treat you right and forget about the ones who don't.





Got to love um...

Friday, December 3, 2010


This should be Posted in every school in the " USA"








Isn't life strange?

I never met one Veteran who enlisted to fight for Socialism.

If Muslims can pray on Madison Avenue, why are Christians banned from praying in public and erecting religious displays on their holy days?

What happened to our National Day of Prayer? Obama says we can't have that, yet Muslims are allowed to block off Madison Ave. in N. Y. and pray in the middle of the street!


Tell me again, whose country is this? Ours or the Muslims?

I was asked to send this on if I agree, or delete if I don't. It is said that 86% of Americans believe in God.

Therefore I have a very hard time understanding why there is such a problem in having 'In God! We Trust' on our money and having 'God' in the Pledge of Allegiance.

I believe it's time we stand up for what we believe!

If you agree, pass this on, if not, delete