Friday, August 19, 2011


All women should live so long as to be this kind of old lady!

Toward the end of Sunday service, the Minister asked, ' How many of you have forgiven your enemies? '

80% held up their hands.

The Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one small elderly lady.

'Mrs. Neely?'; ' Are you not willing to forgive your enemies? '

I don't have any. 'She replied, smiling sweetly.

'Mrs. Neely, that is very unusual. How old are you? '

'Ninety-eight, 'she replied. The congregation stood up and clapped their hands.

'Oh, Mrs. Neely, would you please come down in front & tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years & not have an enemy in the world? '

The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation, and said, ' I outlived the bitches.


An elderly gentleman....
Had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.'
The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet.
I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!'

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great.. I would recommend it very highly.'
The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'
The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love?
You know.... The one that's red and has thorns.'
'Do you mean a rose?'
'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'

Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember ..
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.
'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'
'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks.
'No, I can remember it.'
'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?'
He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.'
'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks.
Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'
Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.. She stares at the plate for a moment.
'Where's my toast ?'

A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
'So I hear you're getting married?'
'Do I know her?'
'This woman, is she good looking?'
'Not really.'
'Is she a good cook?'
'Naw, she can't cook too well.'
'Does she have lots of money?'
'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'
'Well, then, is she good in bed?'
'I don't know.'
'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'
'Because she can still drive!'

Three old guys are out walking.
First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?'
Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!'
Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer..'

A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art.. It's perfect.'
'Really,' answered the neighbor . 'What kind is it?'
'Twelve thirty..'

Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm..
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'
Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.''
The doctor said, 'I didn't say that.. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'

One more. .. ..!
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'


It's a slow day in a little East Texas town. The sun is beating down, and the streets are deserted.

Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit.....

On this particular day a rich tourist from back East is driving through town. He stops at the motel and lays a $100 bill on the desk saying he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one to spend the night.

As soon as the man walks upstairs, the owner grabs the bill and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher.

The butcher takes the $100 and runs down the street to retire his debt to the pig farmer.

The pig farmer takes the $100 and heads off to pay his bill at the supplier of feed and fuel.

The guy at the Farmer's Co-op takes the $100 and runs to pay his debt to the local prostitute, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer her "services" on credit.

The hooker rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill with the hotel owner.

The hotel proprietor then places the $100 back on the counter so the rich traveler will not suspect anything.

At that moment the traveler comes down the stairs, picks up the $100 bill, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, pockets the money, and leaves town.

No one produced anything. No one earned anything.

However, the whole town is now out of debt and now looks to the future with a lot more optimism.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how the United States Government is conducting business today.

Proposed 28th Amendment to the United States Constitution:

For too long we have been complacent about the workings of Congress. Many citizens had no idea that (1) Congress members could retire with the same pay after only one term; (2) that they didn't pay into Social Security; and (3) that they specifically exempted themselves from many of the laws they have passed (such as being exempt from fear of prosecution for sexual harassment. Congress�s latest game is to exempt themselves from the Healthcare Reform Bill that is being considered. Somehow, this doesn't seem logical. We do not have an elite that is above the law.

I truly don't care if members of Congress are Democrat, Republican, independent, liberal, conservative, progressive or whatever. The self-serving must stop. The below listed proposed 28th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution would do that. This is an idea whose time has come.

Proposed 28th Amendment to the United States Constitution:

"Congress shall make no law that applies to the citizens of the United States that does not apply equally to the Senators and Representatives; and Congress shall make no law that applies to the Senators and Representatives that does not apply equally to the citizens of the United States.�

This is fair, to the point and non-partisan. Who could be against it? Congress, that�s who.

Each person receiving this is asked to forward it to a minimum of 20 people in their Address Book (using the Bcc: option) and ask each of them to do likewise. In 3 days every person in the United States will have received the message. Thanks for doing this, and thanks for contacting your congressperson and telling him or her you support this effort.


There's an old sea story in the Navy about a ship's Captain who inspected his sailors, and afterward told the Chief Boatswain that his men smelled bad. The Captain suggested perhaps it would help if the sailors would change underwear occasionally.

The Chief responded, "Aye, aye sir, I'll see to it immediately!" The Chief went straight to the sailors berth deck and announced, "The Captain thinks you guys smell bad and wants you to change your underwear." He continued, "Pittman, you change with Jones, McCarthy, you change with Witkowski, and Brown, you change with Schultz. Now get to it!!!"

Someone may come along and promise "Change", but don't count on things smelling any better.


Very important information has just been made public. I think it is something you should know about:

Gonorrhea Lectim
The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of this old disease.

The disease is called Gonorrhea Lectim. It's pronounced "Gonna re-elect 'im."

The disease is contracted through dangerous and high risk behavior involving putting your cranium up your rectum.

Many victims contracted it in 2008 ...... but now most people after having been infected for the past 1-2 years are starting to realize how destructive this sickness is. It's sad because it is so easily cured with a new procedure just coming on the market called Vo-tem-out!

You take the first dose/step in 2010 and the second dosage in 2012 and simply don't engage in such behavior again, otherwise it could become permanent and eventually wipe out all life as we know it.

Several states are already on top of this like Virginia and New Jersey , and apparently now Massachusetts with many more seeing the writing on the wall.


Free Home

I was in my neighborhood restaurant this morning and was seated behind a group of jubilant individuals celebrating the successful passing of the recent health care bill. I could not finish my breakfast. This is what ensued:

They were a diverse group of several races and both sexes. I heard the young man exclaim, “Isn’t Obama like Jesus Christ? I mean, after all, he is healing the sick.” The young woman enthusiastically proclaimed, “Yeah, and he does it for free. I cannot believe anyone would think that a free market would work for health care. Another said, ‘The stupid Republicans want us all to starve to death so they can inherit all of the power. Obama should be made a Saint for what he did for those of us less fortunate.” At this, I had had enough.

I arose from my seat, mustering all the restraint I could find, and approached their table. “Please excuse me; may I impose upon you for one moment?” They smiled and welcomed me to the conversation. I stood at the end of their table, smiled as best I could and began an experiment.

“I would like to give one of you my house. It will cost you no money and I will pay all of the expenses and taxes for as long as you live there. Anyone interested?” They looked at each other in astonishment. “Why would you do something like that?” asked a young man, “There isn’t anything for free in this world.” They began to laugh at me, as they did not realize this man had just made my point. “I am serious, I will give you my house for free, no money what so ever. Anyone interested?” In unison, a resounding “Hell Yeah” fills the room.

“Since there are too many of you, I will have to make a choice as to who receives this money-free bargain.” I noticed an elderly couple was paying attention to the spectacle unfolding before their eyes, the old man shaking his head in apparent disgust. “I tell you what; I will give it to the one of you most willing to obey my rules.” Again, they looked at one another, an expression of bewilderment on their faces. The perky young woman asked, “What are the rules?” I smiled and said, “I don’t know. I have not yet defined them. However, it is a free home that I offer you.” They giggled amongst themselves, the youngest of which said, “What an old coot. He must be crazy to give away his home. Go take your meds, old man.” I smiled and leaned into the table a bit further. “I am serious, this is a legitimate offer.” They gaped at me for a moment.

“I’ll take it you old fool. Where are the keys?” boasted the youngest among them. “Then I presume you accept ALL of my terms then?” I asked. The elderly couple seemed amused and entertained as they watched from the privacy of their table. “Oh hell yeah! Where do I sign up?” I took a napkin and wrote, “I give this man my home, without the burden of financial obligation, so long as he accepts and abides by the terms that I shall set forth upon consummation of this transaction.” I signed it and handed it to the young man who eagerly scratched out his signature. “Where are the keys to my new house?” he asked in a mocking tone of voice. All eyes were upon us as I stepped back from the table, pulling the keys from pocket and dangling them before the excited new homeowner.

“Now that we have entered into this binding contract, witnessed by all of your friends, I have decided upon the conditions you are obligated to adhere from this point forward. You may only live in the house for one hour a day. You will not use anything inside of the home. You will obey me without question or resistance. I expect complete loyalty and admiration for this gift I bestow upon you. You will accept my commands and wishes with enthusiasm, no matter the nature. Your morals and principles shall be as mine. You will vote as I do, think as I do and do it with blind faith. These are my terms. Here are your keys.” I reached the keys forward and the young man looked at me dumbfounded.

“Are you out of your mind? Who would ever agree to those ridiculous terms?” the young man appeared irritated. “You did when you signed this contract before reading it, understanding it and with the full knowledge that I would provide my conditions only after you committed to the agreement.” Was all I said. The elderly man chuckled as his wife tried to restrain him. I was looking at a now silenced and bewildered group of people. “You can shove that stupid deal up you’re a** old man, I want no part of it” exclaimed the now infuriated young man. “You have committed to the contract, as witnessed by all of your friends; you cannot get out of the deal unless I agree to it. I do not intend to let you free now that I have you ensnared. I am the power you agreed to. I am the one you blindly and without thought chose to enslave yourself to. In short, I am your Master.” At this, the table of celebrating individuals became a unified group against the unfairness of the deal.

After a few moments of unrepeatable comments and slurs, I revealed my true intent. “What I did to you is what this administration and congress did to you with the health care legislation. I easily suckered you in and then revealed the real cost of the bargain. Your folly was in the belief that you can have something you did not earn; that you are entitled to that which you did not earn; that you willingly allowed someone else to think for you. Your failure to research, study and inform yourself permitted reason to escape you. You have entered into a trap from which you cannot flee. Your only chance of freedom is if your new Master gives it to you. A freedom that is given can also be taken away; therefore, it is not freedom.” With that, I tore up the napkin and placed it before the astonished young man. “This is the nature of your new health care legislation.”

I turned away to leave these few in thought and contemplation and was surprised by applause. The elderly gentleman, who was clearly entertained, shook my hand enthusiastically and said, “Thank you Sir, these kids don’t understand Liberty these days.” He refused to allow me to pay my bill as he said, “You earned this one, it is an honor to pickup the tab.” I shook his hand in thanks, leaving the restaurant somewhat humbled, and sensing a glimmer of hope for my beloved country.

Use reason,
Clifford A Wright

Feel free to share.


Thought you all might enjoy this. I am sure you wil understand it better than I ever will.

We have come a long way since the Model T. I had seen this before but it is still an interesting explanation of acceleration.

Acceleration Explained

Here's some food for thought....

This is really amazing when you stop and think about it.


*If you thought Top Fuel Dragsters were fast (over 300 mph in less than 5
seconds), this really puts it into perspective. This came from a guy that makes connecting rods for the racing industry.*


* One Top Fuel dragster outfitted with a 500 cubic-inch Hemi engine makes more horsepower (8,000 HP) than the first 4 rows at NASCAR's Daytona 500.

* Under full throttle, a dragster engine will
consume 11.2 gallons of nitro methane per second; a fully loaded

Boeing 747 consumes jet fuel at the same rate but with 25% less energy being produced.

* A stock Dodge Hemi V8 engine cannot produce enough power to merely drive
the dragster's supercharger.

* With 3000 CFM of air being rammed in by the supercharger on overdrive, the
fuel mixture is compressed into a near-solid form before ignition. Cylinders
run on the verge of hydraulic lockup at full throttle.

* At the stoichiometric 1.7:1 air/fuel mixture for nitro methane the flame
front temperature measures 7050 degrees F.

* Nitro methane burns yellow. The spectacular white flame seen above the
stacks at night is raw burning hydrogen, dissociated from atmospheric water vapor by the searing exhaust gases.

* Dual magnetos supply 44 amps to each sparkplug, which is typically the output of an electric arc welder in each cylinder.

* Spark plug electrodes are totally consumed during a pass..

*After 1/2 way thru the run, the engine is 'dieseling' from compression and
the glow of the exhaust valves at 1400 degrees F. The engine can only be shut down by cutting the fuel flow....

* If spark momentarily fails early in the run, unburned nitro builds up in
the affected cylinders and then explodes with enough force sufficient to
blow the cylinder heads off the block in pieces or split the block in half !!

* Top fuel dragsters reach over 300 MPH +... before you have completed reading this sentence.

* In order to exceed 300 MPH in 4.5 seconds, a dragster must accelerate an
average of over 4 G's. In order to reach 200 MPH well before reaching half-track, at launch the acceleration approaches 8 G's.

* Top Fuel engines turn approximately 540 revolutions from light to light!

* Including the burnout, the engine must only survive 9000 revolutions under load.

* The redline is actually quite high at 9500 RPM.

* THE BOTTOM LINE: Assuming all the equipment is paid for,
the pit crew is working for free, & NOTHING BLOWS UP, each run will cost an
estimated $1000 per second.

0 to 100 MPH in .8 seconds (the first 60 feet of the run).

0 to 200 MPH in 2.2 seconds (the first 350 feet of the run).

6 g-forces at the starting line (nothing accelerates faster on land).

6 negative g-forces upon deployment of twin 'chutes at 300 MPH.

An NHRA Top Fuel Dragster accelerates quicker than any other land vehicle on
earth . . . quicker than a jet fighter plane . . . quicker than the space shuttle....or snapping your fingers!!

The current Top Fuel dragster elapsed time record is 4.420
seconds for the quarter-mile (2004, Doug Kalitta). The top speed record is
337.58 MPH as measured over the last 66' of the run (2005, Tony Schumacher).

So, in summary...Let's now put this all into perspective:

Imagine this.....You are driving a new $140,000 Lingenfelter
twin-turbo powered Corvette Z-06. Over a mile up the road, a Top Fuel
dragster is staged & ready to 'launch' down a quarter-mile strip as you
pass. You have the advantage of a flying start. You run the 'Vette hard, on
up through the gears and blast across the starting line, and pass the
dragster at an honest 200 MPH.... The 'tree' goes green for both of you at
that exact moment. The dragster departs & starts after you.

You keep your foot buried hard to the floor, and suddenly you hear an
incredibly brutally screaming whine that sears and pummels your eardrums &
within a mere 3 seconds the dragster effortlessly catches & passes you. He
beats you to the finish line, a quarter-mile away from where you just passed him.

Think about it - from a standing start, the dragster had spotted you 200

MPH....and it not only caught, but nearly blasted you off the planet when he
passed you within a mere 1320 foot long race !!!!

Now that, my friend . . . . . is acceleration!

Thursday, August 18, 2011


In the line at the store, the cashier told an older woman that she should bring her own grocery bags because plastic bags weren't good for the environment.

The woman apologized to him and explained, "We didn't have the green thing back in my day."

The clerk responded, "That's our problem today. Your generation did not care enough to save our environment."

He was right -- our generation didn't have the green thing in its day.

Back then, we returned milk bottles, soda bottles and other bottles to the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, so it could use the same bottles over and over. So they really were recycled.

But we didn't have the green thing back in our day.

We walked up stairs, because we didn't have an escalator in every store and office building. We walked to the corner store and didn't climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time we had to go two blocks.

But she was right. We didn't have the green thing in our day.

Back then, we washed the baby's diapers because we didn't have the throw-away kind. We dried clothes on a line, not in an energy gobbling machine burning up 220 volts -- wind and solar power really did dry the clothes. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing. But that old lady is right; we didn't have the green thing back in our day.

Back then, we had one TV and one radio in the house -- not a TV in every room. And the TV showed only black and white images and had a small screen not much bigger than a handkerchief (remember them?), not a screen the size of the state of Montana.

In the kitchen, we blended and stirred by hand because we didn't have electric machines to do everything for her.

When we packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, we used a wadded up old newspaper to cushion it, not Styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap.

Back then, we didn't fire up an engine and burn gasoline just to cut the lawn. We used a push mower that ran on human power. We exercised by working so we didn't need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity.

But she's right; we didn't have the green thing back then.

We drank from a fountain when we were thirsty instead of using a cup or a plastic bottle every time we had a drink of water.

We refilled writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen, and we replaced the razor blades in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull.

But we didn't have the green thing back then.

Back then, people took the streetcar or a bus and kids rode their bikes to school or walked instead of turning their moms into a 24-hour taxi service.

We had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And we didn't need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 2,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest pizza joint.

But isn't it sad the current generation laments how wasteful we old folks were just because we didn't have the green thing back then?


My lively broad, I mean lovely bride has forced the issue of cleaning up my office. I practically live in my office and a man’s home is his castle, however, my castle has been invaded by dust , dirt, dog hair and other creatures. I talked to my Border Collie ,Ace, about this situation and he said, 'if you’re gonna have to keep the outside of the place up, lawn, garden, pasture, barn, animals, and take care of her car, shop for and buy groceries, cook and wash dishes and work, you got two choices, clean up or man up, you know where the vacuum is.'

I reviewed the marriage contract and the love and cherish part was still there but somebody had marked out the obey part on her page.

I decided to clean up in the most efficient way possible, get it done so I would have time to wash clothes and cook dinner.

Let me tell you, just in case this happens to you , it can be fun. I got out the leaf blower, filled it up with racing fuel for the Mustang and fired that mother up. It will pin a cat to the wall, clean your desk off, blow that picture of your mother-in law right out the window. It is a perfect tool for housekeeping.

It is fast and makes noise, the perfect man-tool for cleaning house.

You don’t have to get down on your hands and knees to clean out from under the furniture. You will need to open the doors and windows and blow them little dust bunnies and anything else right outside. Do not try to clean the toilet with it.

Once everything is outside, put the bagger on the mower and run over it, empty the bagger into a big black plastic bag, hold it up by the ties and give it a spin just like you do the bag that loaf bread comes in.



When you think your job is the "pits", remember this fellow!! "_"
sent to me by a very good friend. someone always knows when you need a good laugh.

If you don't laugh out loud after you read this you are brain dead! This is even funnier when you realize it's real.

So next time you have a bad day at work think of this guy.

Bob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana
He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs.
Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister.

She then sent it to radio station 103 .5 on FM dial in
Indiana, who was sponsoring a worst job experience contest.

Needless to say, she won.
Read his letter below....

~Hi Sue,

Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother..

Last week I had a bad day at the office.

I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I
thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad
after all.

Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must
bore you with a few technicalities of my job.

As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I
wear a suit to the office.

It's a wet suit.

This time of year the water is quite cool.

So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel
powered industrial water heater.

This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the

It heats it to a delightful temperature.

It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose,
which is taped to the air hose.

Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no

What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is
take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wet suit.

This floods my whole suit with warm water.

It's like working in a Jacuzzi.

Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt
started to itch.

So, of course, I scratched it.

This only made things worse.

Within a few seconds my ass started to burn.

I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was

In agony I realized what had happened.

The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped
it into my suit.

Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish
couldn't stick to it, however, the crack of my ass was not as fortunate.

When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the
jellyfish into the crack of my ass.

I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator.

His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he,
along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically.

Needless to say, I aborted the dive.

I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling
thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry

When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but
my brass helmet.

As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of
laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it
on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber.

The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't shit for two
days because my ass was swollen shut..

So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it
would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your ass.

Now repeat to yourself, 'I love my job, I love my job, I
love my job.'

Whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself, is this a
jellyfish bad day?

May you NEVER have a jellyfish bad day! !!!!

Monday, August 15, 2011


The problem with public housing is that the residents are not the owners. The people that live in the house did not earn the house, but were loaned the property from the true owners, the taxpayers. Because of this, the residents do not have the "pride of ownership" that comes with the hard work necessary. In fact, the opposite happens and the residents resent their benefactors because the very house is a constant reminder that they themselves did not earn the right to live in the house. They do not appreciate the value of the property and see no need to maintain or respect it in any way.

The result is the same whether you are talking about a studio apartment or a magnificent mansion full of priceless antiques. If the people who live there do not feel they earned the privilege, they will make this known through their actions.

The 2 pictures below illustrate the point:


If Bush had been caught with his feet on that desk

The Resolute Desk was built from the timbers of the HMS Resolute and was a gift from Queen Victoria to President Rutherford B. Hayes. It is considered a national treasure and icon of the presidency. Mr. Obama, you are not in a hut in Kenya, or public housing in Chicago . With all due (?) respect, get your feet off our desk!

Saturday, August 6, 2011




Those Southerners have a way with words!


These are actual comments made by South Carolina Troopers that were taken off their car videos:

1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."

2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."

3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document." (My Favorite)

4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you." (LOVE IT)

6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"

7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"

8. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."

11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC." ( National Crime Information Center )

13. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"

14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."

15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."


16. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."

Tuesday, August 2, 2011


If there is anyone who cannot see through the politics of this debacle,
they do need to be pittied.

July 27, 2011
The King’s Speech
By Monica Crowley

Some thoughts on President Obama’s speech to the nation Tuesday night
on the debt crisis that he created:

1. He began by blaming President Bush (soooo 2008) on tax rates (which
he extended) and the prescription drug benefit entitlement (which he
supported). Cannot believe that he’s STILL blaming Bush. Did someone
forget to change his batteries? Are his speechwriters just too busy
playing shirtless beer pong? Or is he really that petty in his
obsession with throwing his predecessor down the stairs?

2. Says he: “I won’t bore you with the details of every plan or
proposal.” Because HE has neither a plan nor a proposal.

3. He talks about spending cuts as if he actually intends to follow
through on them. LOL. What a shameless liar.

4. STILL pushing tax hikes?? Spoken like a true deaf, dumb, and blind
wealth redistributing ideologue. The ONLY person in Washington still
gassing around about tax increases is Barack Obama.

5. He unloads on the Republicans when he has NO PLAN of his own. That’s
not presidential leadership. That’s just playground finger-pointing.

6. STILL pounding “hedge fund” guys and “corporate jet owners?” Oh yes,
because they’re TOTALLY the root of the debt problem.

7. STILL lecturing us about how “millionaires and billionaires should
pay their fair share?” Not only are they major job creators, but they
already pay the VAST majority of federal income taxes. If he wants to
talk about “fairness,” why not discuss the 47% of Americans who pay NO
federal income tax AT ALL and thus have no skin in the game? Fairness,
my butt. Plus, according to Obama, you’re a “millionaire” if you make
$200,000 a year. Either he failed math or he’s a raging radical Marxist.

8. Says he: “Raising the debt ceiling was routine.” But he voted
AGAINST doing so in 2007.

9. STOP using the word “default!” There will be no such thing if no
deal is reached on or before the arbitrary date of August 2. The feds
take in about $175 billion a month. Debt service is about $25 billion a
month. I know he failed math, but gee whiz. Not only will there be no
default, there will be plenty of dough to cover Social Security,
Medicare, the military, and other essential services. Whenever he
fearmongers by invoking “default,” he’s lying.

10. He refers to the “dangerous game” of the debt negotiations. But the
true “dangerous game” has been his out of control spending and massive
expansion of government that are wholly unsustainable and bankrupting

11. The class warfare BS is so anti-American as to be borderline

12. Last week, he told us that he wasn’t “even thinking about
re-election.” Set aside the nearly 40 fundraisers he has held/attended
for his re-election over the past few months. Last night, he delivered
a full-on campaign speech: political, partisan, and meant to persuade
voters, not Congress. Not thinking about his re-election?? He really
thinks we’re stupid.

13. He refers to achieving “a more perfect union.” Do you know what he
ACTUALLY means by that? He means changing America into a socialist
nation. That’s what he means by “more perfect.”

Read Number 13 again. That’s not only the most important point to take
away from his speech last night. It’s the most important point about
this psychotic Marxist’s presidency, period.


Spotted in Giddings, at 1:30 P .M. yesterday



A very scary visual............................................

Another site to double click:

This gives you a visual of the magnitude of our money situation – scary is not the word!


DEAR CONGRESS, We have unforeseen expenses that changed our financial position, and this year my family and I cannot decide on a budget. Until we can come to a unified decision that fits all of our needs and interests, we will have to shut down our check book and will no longer be able to pay our taxes. I'm sure you'll understand. Thank you very much for setting an example we can all follow


Dear Mr. President; I heard you say you will not guarantee SS checks if the debt ceiling isn't raised. Why is it the scare always has to do with SS, Medicare, & our Soldiers Pay? Why not stop your pay, your staff, or Congress? Lets hold the paychecks of all house & senate members and see how fast they resolve this mess.

If you agree repost this & keep it going across the whole USA


Having already downed a few power drinks, a beautiful young lady turns around and faces the fellow next to her looks him straight in the eye and says,

"Listen here good looking, I screw anybody, anytime, anywhere, your
place, my place, in the car, front door, back door, on the ground, standing up, sitting down, naked or with clothes on, it doesn't matter to me. I just love it...

Eyes now wide with interest, he responds,
"No kidding. I'm in Congress too. What state are you from?"